"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Loss.

I was kind of hoping that the Decoys would have a bit of a different experience at Coors than the Real Yanks, but it appears that the whole Home Field Advantage thing is not a myth in Colorado.

This was the 2nd time in a week where I thought a 2-0 loss was boring to watch. And it shouldn't be! I mean, I get excited at pretty much anything. My blood pressure raises if I so much as see there are Dark Chocolate Milky Ways in the basket at reception on Candy Wednesdays.

So a low scoring game like this one should have been sending me into fits of coronaries. Kuroda pitched pretty well, (as evidenced by the relatively small amount of runs on the Rockies' end), but I think this was one of those times when the score belied the outing.

After Gonzalez' 2-run ding broke the 0-0 tie in the 6th, it was like breaking the seal. I missed the final out of the inning, but I remember thinking when I saw that the top of the 7th had finally arrived after a rapid succession of hard hits, "Wait. No one scored after the homerun?"

I was sure the score would have somehow become 5-0 in the minutes it took me to clean my paintbrush.

It didn't really matter, of course, since the Yankees were pretty anemic in the offense category. 4 hits all game (2 from Nix, then 1 apiece from Sneach and Stewart.)

Speaking of Stewart, I have to say that his offensive production hasn't been as OFFENSIVE as his preseason caveat claimed it would be. I think Kay took note of this, as well.

(Making this #110 in the list of ways that the Decoys are making baseball a whole new experience for me--talking about the storied Yankee line-up that inspires sheer terror, has been replced with little bubbles of pleasant surprise from the YES booth over a replacement player's better-than-terrible BA.)

Since it was the Yanks who lost and not the Rockies, the former is the team whose long-term hitting capabilities are called into question. HOWEVAH, it should be noted that the paltry 0-5 with RISP/5 LOB was only really slightly worse than 0-3 with RISP/5 LOB posted by the latter team.

And you know why else this game was kinda lackluster? Where's all the POP BANG ALAKAZAM magic of gravity-defying ball-traveling? I know this problem was allegedly solved by storing the balls in the humidor, but I feel like this is the same thing as those Pfiten bracelets. It's like "oooh ok, THAT was the problem! I just didn't have whatever aqua-metal is! Problem solved, ill-defined physical benefits and indirectly implied athleticism here I come!"

Similarly, I feel like that humidor thing is just one of those things that theoretically should solve a problem based on what we know about basic laws of physics and science. But that doesn't always end up working, as evidenced by the fact my Piften necklace AND bracelet have failed to cure my goofy grace.

(The supporting research for Pfiten was conducted by the Society for Aqua Metal Research, and the humidor data was provided by the American Association of Hitter's Ballparks.)

It was overall kind of an awkard game, punctuated by the announcement in the 4th exiling everyone in the upper deck. "All fans in the upper deck, please leave the seating area, move under cover due to lightning in the area." So you see all these people in ponchos shuffling to hang out near any viable cover that would allow them to comfortably continue watching the game.

(Kay: "Well, I'm not meterologist, but when you gotta leave the upper deck because of lightning, it's probably not a good sign, weather-wise." This was met with, "We do actually have a meterologist, Michael. Yes, we have one at the YES network--a great one!" Well, then. Thanks for answering all the questions I didn't ask.)

That was awkward, but "talk-amongst-yourselves" filler that went on on the field was even more so. I'm referring to when they had to fix the pitcher's mound that was getting wrecked by pounding rain. And a grounds crew comes running on the field (in funny shorts that made it look like he was just called away from a golf course in South Hampton), carrying a bag of dirt 

While he was doing whatever repairs needed to be done, the camera hilariously paused on Cano and the umpire standing next to him, and they looked like a blend between a first date and an elevator ride of eye-contact avoidance and facing forward and shifting. (Still doesn't beat this moment from Cano, though, in terms of awkward behavior on the field when game isn't going on. Comment from Jay was pure gold.)

And in final awkward behavior, there's De La Rosa who awkardly held the Yanks to no runs and who awkwardly expressed concern in the post-game that he was admittedly scared during the game of getting knocked unconscious by a hit in the head with a line-drive. Life's a scary journey, Jorge. It's very brave of you to take the mound and face such risks with every start.

(Yeah, I get it. Happ, etc. Sweet Christ, the fans had to leave the game because of the rampant electrcitiy flying through the sky and striking down. Let's agree that the only thing that anyone legitimately has a reason to fear in life is the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. That, and accidentally typing someone's name in the "status" field instead of the "search" field when doing some light internet/facebook stalking.)

So it's back to Coors Canaveral today, with Phelps pitching against Nicasio, which is a name I have never heard of before in my life. So..I can't even hazard a guess in terms of a game preview. I will predict the Yankees win, though. Because they are the Yankees.

(Which is a fact that I think has been slowly but surely escaping Girardi. Seriously. Every day his postgame interview is more like, "I have NO idea what is going on. I'm not kidding.")

Well, um, just don't lose and no one cares how concussed you may or may not be acting.

WIN. Loss.

EPISODE V

It was a good weekend.

And I'm exhausted now. Also, a little delirious still.

Not sure how well I'm going to be able to capture the last two days, so I'll resort to bullet points, which I believe absolves me of any obligations to cohesive thought/full sentences/structure/etc:

Game Observations/Highlights

• Hughes was absolutely filthy on Saturday. Unreal. Was sitting in first row of LF bleachers, so had zero idea that he won this game on 8 innings of a fastball. Against one of the best offenses in the league, Hughes whiffed 9 and allowed only 4 hits/2 runs. Basically by just throwing a fastball for nearly all of his 118 pitches.

67% of pitches were fastballs. 3 out of every 4 of these were strikes. Math!

• I love pretty much all the seats in Yankee Stadium (I could be happy on a lawn chair on 161st street if I could still see the game live), but I particularly loved the seats on Saturday. Not just because of the view/the company, but because it meant the outstanding day at the park could not be sullied by seeing the Allergy's face in any real detail.

• I did love the Allergy when he was Yankee, but that was then. On Saturday, I was delighted to see him get his first loss of 2013. Which is not to say the Yanks exactly destroyed him, but he got tagged for 2 bombs (hope that phrase doesn't flag this site for FBI), and everyone on team got at least one hit, save Sneach and whoever the hell Chris Nelson is.

• Eduardo "Don't Even Try to Make Sense of Me Because It Will Invariably Make Your Head Spin" Nunez had a triple (or, as Lauren non-ironically called it, "An inside-the-park triple." Those are pretty rare.) (EDITOR'S NOTE: Just received this text from Lauren: "Krista was the one who it an inside the park triple! All stupid things are attributed to me. Not just by you, either.")

• Sunday's game was an anomaly, and not just because they lost, but because that is exactly the type of game that a betting man says the Yankees win--and not every day of the week and twice on Sunday, but just twice on Sunday.

• They always win weekend day games, especially home ones where they like to set us all up for a dramatic walk off. And this year, they're pros at winning these little deficit games. Moreover, we had Pettitte on the mound, and the numbers for basically every situation indicated the Yankees should have had the upperhand.

• But Cano had an error at 2nd that allowed a run in. Andy gave up dings in back to back innings to Luke Montz and Yoenis "Scrabble Tile Rack" Cespedes.

• The Yanks came back because of more things that didn't make sense. Oakland's starter got pulled after on like 2 pitches basically, so Blevin could come in off the bench to face Sneach and Overbay. This seemed like a weird decision, but I swear this whole Maddon-Mentality thing is becoming an unwelcome epidemic.

• It doesn't work out for the As, when Sneach doubles in a run, followed by Overbay's 2-run single that tied the game in the 6th.

• Melvin also makes the weirdo decision to intentionally walk Cano to get to Wells, who is basically playing like Roy Hobbs as of late. And who Galfour is terrified of, despite his claims otherwise. Methinks the closer doth protest too much.

• It didn't work out for the Yankees because B-Lo ruins the game by allowing Josh Donaldson to knock one out, giving the A's a 5-4 lead. Still, though, I thought this was allll just laddering up to a typical Yankee Sunday feel-good thriller.

• I wasn't the only one who was surprised by loss, since apparently Girardi is having some kind of midlife managerial crisis or sorts based on his subtle yet discernible attitude change.

"We had chances in the eighth and the ninth. I assumed we might get it done." Assumed you MIGHT get it done? That's quite a lofty claim, Joe. Are you awake?

• Nunez has rib injury, by the way, in case anyone was just starting to warm up to the guy. At this point, we'd all appreciate it if the Yankees could just keep up posted on which players are not injured each day, as opposed to the other way around.

• Who the hell is Preston Claiborne? He's gold. First major league start. And it's in Yankee Stadium against a pretty f'n stacked roster. And he's all D-Robbing it out, aka Whatmenervousnever. I like this kid. 2 IP. No hits, no runs, no shoes, no service. Not the last 2, though.

Weekend Observations/Highlights

• This morning I woke up at 8am and went into my bedroom to frantically ask Krista "where am I??" To which she responded, "You're in your apartment." To which I responded, "where am I supposed to be??" There are few things in this life that are better than the realizing it's a weekEND after the panick that ensues when waking up and mistakenly thinking it's a weekDAY.

• Krista scored the high score on Pop-A-Shot, then beat it. 74.

• Amy scored the high score on Skeeball, then got all mad when some barely-walking toddler beat her score by sticking his hands under the glass to place the ball in the holes.

• My sister asked, right after the Kentucky Derby finished, when the real Kentucky Derby was going to start. Amy! Weirdo. There's no basement in the Alamo!

• Lauren laughed so hard for so long that after 16 hours of hanging out, it was a point of contention when someone would say something funny/sarcastic, because her face was legitimitely sore from laughing. I'm not kidding. By 2am, the conversations were starting to sound like, "Hey, this is like that time when I tripped pretending to be a bear!" "KRISTEN. I'm NOT KIDDING. Stop making me think of funny things, this isn't funny."

• I hit myself with a cue ball when I tried to "break" without using a pool stick. It ricocheted off the edge of pool table and came flying back at me. That didn't go according to plan.

• The bucket of beers tradition is still very much in tact. This year, we even had a security guard tell us we were clever, as opposed to them usually looking judgementally at the situation trying to determine what rules we're breaking.

So, Episode V weekend was yet again a rousing success, and somehow yet again managed to trump the prior year, which we always fear is impossible. Weekend MVP of course goes to Krista for being the weekend point person every year, and every year handling her duties with spectacular awesomeness.

The Decoys continue to delight me to no end, the weather was approximately perfect this weekend, I played and won beirut, and it's a great way to stay in shape.

Yanks were 1 for 3 on the weekend, and are 1.5 games behind the Red Socks, along with the O's. Rangers lost to the Capitals twice (in other NY sports news), as they are want to do. And now it's Monday, and time to start a new week. No game tonight, as the Yanks are travelling out to Colorado.

Looking forward to watching the Decoys marvel at the gravity situation out in Coors Field.

Loss.

I usually love low scoring games like this (provided the Yankees have the higher of the 2 low scores), but given a choice between a Yankee win in 14-13 softball beer league-esque hit parade, and a fast-paced pitching duel, I'll pick the latter 90% of the time. (The other 10% of the time applies to games like this, which I wouldn't miss for all the condiments in a diner takeout order.)

HOWEVAH, a game like this goes down, and I kind of just can't make heads or tails out of it, in the sense that I can't figure out whether this was a GOOD baseball game or a BORING one. Were the As/AJ Griffin so exceptional that the Yankees were just reduced to little jello clumps?

Or were both teams just not overpowering enough to get runs in?

It's hard to call this one, since Fatso wasn't looking as nasty/filthy/sharp as normal, so the 2 runs for which he was tagged--are they indicators of the As' skill? Or is it indicative of that Fatty was just a litttttle off, but still dominant enough to limit them to just 2 runs?

And on the other end, there's AJ Griffin, along with many of the same questions. And some new ones, like why was he playing the guitar and serenading his teammates in different languages before the game, like he was some special guest on Sesame Street?

I'm not making this up, by the way. Apparently, no one believes in mental preparation unless it involves some kind of outward physical manifestion of such, particularly if it falls in the Big Book of Bar Mitzvah Elements. Over in Tampa, Maddon brought it a magacian and penguins and a DJ and a cockatoo to "keep the the team loose." Now, there's this going on in the As team dynamic:



THAT EVEN LOOKS LIKE AJ GRIFFIN. Douchebag city! $50 says he auditioned for the Real World at some point in his life.

So, what it is. This isn't a rhetorical question. Was this a good, tight, impressive baseball game? Or just a slow, lackluster one?

For those of you who base these decisions on statistical evidence, numerical proof, here's what it looked like on paper:

• Yanks had 6 hits, 2 from GGBG, 2 from Nix, 1 from Sneach, and 1 from Cano
• Oakland had 10 hits, the first of which was off the first pitch of the game, and it was a homerun. Which is what some might call "not an auspicious start." Some might call it that. I said, "are you kidding me?"
• Can't really remember seeing 2 men on base at the same time during the game?
• Yanks saw 114 pitches, compared to the 175 pitches seen by Oakland
• 0-6 with RISP, 6 LOB (vs Oakland's 2-7; 11, respectively)

Argh. I hate grey areas so, so much. I don't even believe in them, normally. The Yanks' bats looked silly. The Oaklands' bats looked less so, but not by much. The only thing that WAS impressive about this game was the infield defense.

Yeah, that's not a grey area. That was decidely outstanding. And aggravating.

Before I sign off to begin preparations for Episode V*, I'll leave you with this, the inclusion of I can justify by the fact that, like the Yankee game, it raises many questions with no clear answers:

I got nothing.

* Episode I, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4

WIN.

That was a close game. The good news is that they won, the bad news is that for the entire game, Laur and I had to listen to some yahoo yammer on about how he's the biggest diehard Yankee fan in the world but this team disgusts him. To certify his self-proclaimed "diehard" title: "Listen, I have season tickets, ok?"

Why wasn't he at the game then? "I was having dinner with a little someone known as GENE WILDER. Yeah, maybe you've heard of him? Yeah." Then he launched into a payroll diatribe, and Lauren knew this was my "What are you, McFly? Chicken?" equivalent. Or Roger Rabbit's "Shave and a Haircut."

She intervened and staved off bloodshed, and that was just the FIRST time of the night she saved the day. (Saved the night, I guess. But that sounded weird, which is something I ALWAYS try to avoid.) Lauren also saved the night by writing the recap of tonight's game, so I could get some sleep!

Alright, here she goes! THANK YOU, SISTER. And thank you for annotating it, and for closing with Latin, and for this.

PUN #2



 
Explanation: At this point you may have noticed that I was really excited about my “over-the-hill” joke, and never really got back to that original glory. But if you keep saying the same joke over and over, it gets funnier. [LP1]







Like the first 2 times I contributed on this blog, I have once again neglected to actually recap the game. Consider it like listening to Joe Buck! [LP3] 

Win.

So my coworker changed his profile picture on facebook yesterday, and everyone "liked" it. (I "liked" it.)

And we're sitting around talking about the events and mindsets leading up to this unprecedented deviation, and we notice Amy isn't contributing to the dialogue. "You're awfully quiet," we accused.

"Um. Well..."

I respect that, Amy. Sort of. It was a good picture. But when it comes to sports, life, work, etc, I think everything should try really to avoid change that conflicts with reason. Basically, everything should work out the way logic suggests it should.

(The picture doesn't fall into this arena of change though, so Amy probably should have just "liked" the picture like everyone else.)

Over the years of blogging, I think I've entrenched myself pretty firmly in opposition to departures from the norm, "upsets" as they are called.

The "previews" and scouting reports for this game were essentially uniform: Kuroda always wins against the Astros. Humber tends runs into trouble when pitching against batters.

Kuroda makes his own luck,whereas Humber already cashed in his favors exactly a year and 9 days ago. The Yankees score runs. The Astros rely on their manager to spin tales of offensive delusions in the post-game.

And still, there are people who think one anomaly, a plausability makes. I can't really talk, I guess, since I'm almost 100% sure that I will win the NY lottery won day. I'm so sure that sometimes I fantasize about how to share the news with my parents in a way that won't compromise my dad's heart. That "HEY you never know" tag was copywriting gold.

But, sometimes you do know. And this game was an example of things working out the way the should, which is--in most basic terms--a Yankee W.

I will concede that there were some "Hey you never know" moments:

• Like Nunez going 3 for 4 after spending the last month thinking this before every game.

• Or D-Rob giving up a bomb. (That's not really weird enough to be grouped in with Nunez zipping around the basepaths with such crazed gusto that I could get on board with the argument that he wasn't 100% sure what he was running towards or from. But, GOOD FOR YOU FOR RUNNING A HARD 90. Even if it was fueled by a mistaken impression that the goal was to break down the front door of a castle with a running start.)

But aside from that, there's the "Now" Normal category, comprising the offensive production of Pronk (3-4, 3 ribbies) and Overbay (1-4, 1 ribbie).

The "Not Normal" category:

• Humber saying "I think the whole thing was the leadoff walk in the first inning. I feel like I threw the ball well." For some reason the "lead off walk" is basically like the "sleeping with a guy on the first date" of baseball. Everyone thinks it completely precludes any hope of anything good happening after that. But if it turns out to be irrelevant, everyone dismisses it ever having significance at all.

• And speaking of He's Just Not That In The Game: "He did a great job of giving us an opportunity to win this game and that's what you want from your starter," Houston manager Bo Porter said. I don't know who he is talking about here. Humber, who gave up 9 hits, 4 runs, 21928 wild pitches. That does give SOMEONE a good opportunity to win, I guess.

Then there's the Back to Normal category: Sneach breaking out of slump, going 3 for 5, 2 runs, and a couple of stolen bags.

And then there's the Back to the Game category, which includes the pitching bookends:

• Kuroda starts out wild, ends strong, and this dialectic is apparently all but rote. Alllll I kept hearing from the booth for the first hour of game was repeating SHOCK over how wild Kuroda was pitching. Then it subsided, and our boy gave up only 4 hits, retiring 14 of his last 15 batters.

And this is normal, based on a stat I just read: "opponents are batting .318 against Kuroda in the first three innings and .092 after that." Huh. Maybe he's taking a page from the Tex book of "getting carte blanch to suck at first so long as you're good later."

• And then there's Mo who got the ok to head home for the night (like getting "cut" when waitressing), only to be called back to the pen when D-Rob and Shawn Kelley let the game go from 7-2 to 7-4 real quick.

"Hey, Mo? Yeah, where are you? Are you still by the stadium? Yeah, we just heard back from the Astros, and they're add 2 runs to the timing, so the timing on this game is gonna be a little tight. Glad I caught you before you got on the subway, right?? Ok, we'll see you soon. We'll wait to put in Seamless dinner order until you get here."

Mo comes back to the office and puts out the fires in minutes, Yankees win 7-4, inch up a half game in the standings.

Tomorrow features Bedard v Phelps. WHO KNOWS!

Til then.

OH! and ps there will be a special guest blogger for tomorrow's game. It is my sister, you may remember her work from this or this, which are both fantastically clever and economic in word choice and candid and funny.

(PS I love the fact there's a dude in MLB named Peacock.)

Loss.

The headlines for this game sound like an Onion article:

Astros snap skid, pound Andy Pettitte in rout of Yankees

Astros hit like major-leaguers, crush Yankees

Yanks embarrassed at home by Astros, lose 9-1

Andy Pettitte implodes in 9-1 Yankees loss to Houston Astros

There was a bunch of stuff that happened on the Astros' end (obviously) and not of lot on the Yankee's end (to be clear), which is maybe not as shocking as it initially appears.

How many times have we seen the Yanks completely BUCKLE against a pitcher they've never seen before? A sinkerballer, in particular?

A lot of times. A lot, a lot, a alot.

And how often do we see the Yanks give Also-Rans their day of glory?

I remember this series very clearly.

Regardless of whether it was totally mindblowing or whether it was unremarkably routine, tt wasn't a good game (for the Yankees. Since they lost.)

And it's a game that probably no one wants to rehash. But, you know, I do get a kick out of reading my journals from my formative years, ie the profound anxiety that would ensue over losing my dad's mesh Redskins cap. Or having to get my test signed because it was below 90%. Or--the worst--the "couple's skate" at the roller rink birthday parties.

And someday Andy will be inducted into the hall, and we'll dismissively wave away these ridiculous outings. Not unlike Joe Pesci does to the counteroffer hick dude in "My Cousin Vinny" at 0:17.



God, I love that part.

Andy gets bludgeoned to death, basically. In a little over 4 IP, he gets tagged for 10 hits and 7 runs. Which, I have to say, looks better than it did on TV--meaning those 10 hits were HIT hits. (Along the same vein as when you LIKE like someone.)

I mean, Corporan's shot in the 5th was just sad. No one even budged after the bat crack. A resounding "Well, that ball got outta here in a HURRY" spilled from the booth. (Even though it didn't really get out of there in a hurry. It was a normal speed, and not even that far of a shot, but it just like an outtake from the Natural, nonetheless.)

I was surprised Andy stayed in for as long as he did, actually. Girardi has been hanging on the coat tails of Lard and Andy's ace tendency to pitch deep in the game, and do it with sparkling results.

But I can't really wrap my head around how you could watch so much as 2 innings of this game and not think that Andy looked about as comfortable as the guy at a cocktail party who saunters up to a few people already in mid-conversation.

And Andy looked like that guy looks when no one stops conversing to acknowledge his presence, leaving him with nothing to do but stand there and hope for an introduction and/or a phone call.

Girardi was essentially the converser. He just let him stew and sweat it out, when a simple, "Oh, hey Andy! Join us in the dugout/dialogue" would have been more merciful.

(Or maybe Girardi is subscribing to the same principle that my mom applies when buying airline tickets. She thinks that if she keeps waiting out the rising prices, that eventually the price will drop to almost nothing. Almost always this amounts to her doling out $800 for plane tickets to Ft Lauderdale in the 11th hour, aka doling out 10 hits after waiting out more than 4 innings.)

Alright, I'm done belaboring Andy's TOTAL IMPLOSION AGAINST THE WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE. Even if he HAD pitched brilliantly, the Yankees played like they were in some of kind of Wife Swap-esque reality show with Houston. Except replace "Wife" with "offense."

Top of the order did work: GGBG, Cano and Wells all pitching in 2 hits each. Then 1 from Overbay, and another from Nunez.

I may or may not create a Word macro for this phrase:

"reached on Nunez's error."

Function key + Shift + Backslash key

With Cervelli out, Andy pitched to nubian Austin Romine, and then verrry subtly threw him under the bus. Not really. It was more of a pushing him in front a rollerblader, at most.

"He hasn't been back there, and I felt like maybe I didn't get into the rhythm I wanted to." There was also a ton of frantic waving for baseballs, which makes sense since the balls didn't really stay in Andy's possession for long before they darted all over the outfield.

It was also Andy's 18th anniversary of his very first pitching outing in the Show. He came in for relief, gave up 2 runs on 3 hits in 2/3 of an inning on April 29, 1995.

1995 ERA for the day: 15.36
2013 ERA for the day: 27.27

I wouldn't sweat it, Andy. The 18th anniversary is not a big deal, and I know this because I looked up what the appropriate present is for this, but it just goes from 1 to 15, then jumps to the 20th anniversary.

I guess you get something in between China and Crystal? Cubic Zirconia?

(I like what's listed for the 6th anniversary: Candy/Iron. Too many questions, but the first one is what husband opts for the iron when social mores sanctions giving his wife some Rolos and calling it a day?)



Dealbreakers.

Tomorrow's another day, with Kuroda going up against the most recent member of the Perfect Post Mets club. The outlook would appear to favor our Yankees:

"Kuroda has never lost in seven career starts against the Astros while Humber has been hit hard in losing all five starts for Houston heading into Tuesday night's matchup."

Tomorrow is not only another day, but another ridiculous set-up for a game that everyone is going to think will "surprise" us again. They will surprise people who are expecting to be surprised. But for the realists, things are going to work out the way they should.

Win. Win. Win. Win.

Look at that. The team to beat was beaten. 4 times in a row.

I apologize for the lack of coverage this weekend. Thursday night I just plain ran out of hours in the day. (Literally. I was still writing a manuscript for work when the sun was coming up, which gave me just enough time to shower, double check the manuscript for any sleepwriting mumbo jumbo that may have slipped in, and get to the office.)

And then this weekend I had to finally finally bite the bullet and paint the apartment. I mean, if I ever want to get a jump on the REAL paint job in my bed room, I'm going to have to knock the living area out of the way first (in terms of getting the paint done. I don't mean actually knocking down the living area.)

Since I wasn't allowed to take this with me when I moved out of my last apartment, I'm left with no other choice than to recreate this. (Actually, that's not true, since there are other choices available, such as subscribing to a more adult decor as opposed to painting my room like that of an 8-year-old boy. Semantics.)

HOWEVAH, I'm going to do the inside of the stadium this time.

Soon to be my room. Not "soon." But within a month. I hate relative terms.

Which I have a feeling is going to be a little trickier than the last mural undertaking.  But, you know, any excuse to adopt a completely consuming project that will monopolize my attention and waking hours.

So, yeah. A weekend of painting and Yankee games and vodka lemonades.

(I did get to see fellow sports writer Matt Waters play guitar--slash, awe us, bring house down--in the Upper East Side. AND smoke cigars with the great Joe K. We were celebrating what, I'm not 100% sure, though that didn't stop me from shouting to any passerby that "It's a boy!")

Aside from the DL-entry of Cervelli and Nova, the Yankees had a good weekend made even better by the fact it was a 4-game sweep, and made even better than that by the fact it was against one of the infinite "teams to beat."

We got to see a lot of Jeter in the dugout, which was starting to get a little awkward after a while, since it sort of felt like watching the Academy Awards when the camera man darts over to the losing nominee's face after the winner in announced. And said loser is forced to contort her face into an even mixture of grace/expected disappointment/excitement for the winner/aloof yet attentive. It's impossible.

If it were me, I'd just immediately crawl under the table and start playing Snood on my phone until I was sure the cameras had moved on to the next loserface.

Obviously, Jeter didn't crawl underneath the dugout bench. Mostly because he didn't lose anything, and also because he probably has more social graces than me. (I think CarrotTop has more social graces than me, too, though, so that isn't saying much.)

But seriously, every time Nunez did anything (fielding-wise) or didn't do anything (he had like 1 hit for the whole series), they'd cut to Jeter, as if to try to uncover some moment of revealing his true feelings. Did they really think he was going to scrunch up his face in raw jealousy at the site of Nunez making outs at SS like a pro? Or that Jeter would do that gentle half smile of condescension when Nunez would whiff?

No. When it comes to job security, I will say that while Jeter has about as much to worry about as an undertaker in Detroit, the rest of the DL tenants should be as worried as long-tailed cats in a rocking chair store.

Everyone for some reason keeps saying, "Yeah, and imagine how much better they'll be when Grandy and Tex and Jeter and Arod are back!" Maybe not that last part, but you know what I mean.

For my money, I don't care how the Yanks do it so long as they win. And right now, they are doing just that. As such, I'm not chomping at the bit to mess with whatever weird pact with the devil the team obviously made.

Lyle Overbay and Travis Hafner had triples in back to back games.

GGBG went yard for the 3rd time this year.

David Phelps struck out 9 batters in 4 innings.

Joba Chamberlain is chipping away at an ERA that started out looking more like the ticket cost for main level seating, and now looks more like the "handling fee" on Stubhub for said ticket.

Now do the same trimming with your weight.

Who on the team is in desperate need of being relieved of his decoy duties? I mean, the only player who everyone is poking is Tubbo. Seriously. Just because his fastest pitch clocked in at 92 mph.

(I was imagining this being said not by Suzyn Waldman, but by the illustrious Moira Quirk of GUTS fame.)

Arod's decoy is doing a fine job at 3B, and so-so at the plate, but I can't say with any confidence that Arod would be doing much better.

Wells is a beast. I said it last week, and I'll say it again, that this guy is the Carl Crawford we always wanted, but managed to dodge a bullet when he went to Boston, and now we get the bizarro edition of him.

It'd be like if all of sudden my ipod mini (it's blue with a green screen, ~2004) started working again, and not only could it play music, but it could do shit that the ipod, iphone, ipad, and possibly even the government itself, can't do. Like..display flash media content.

And it's kind of odd, because even though all 4 games were close ones, come-from behind thrillers, etc...it was like the blood pressure remained at even keel. There's just this very comforting committment to execution, sans frenzied panic.

(Compare that the the Jays' manager who is a nutjob. Not really Bobby Cox/Ozzie Guillen kind of way. But more like a Jack Torrance kind of way.

Very inspired gems from him this weekend:

"Basically what's happening is we're playing good enough to lose, we're not playing good enough to win." (What does this even mean?)

"You want me to go out there and hit or something? I couldn't hit when I played." (Ah, talk about resounding inspiration from your fearless chief. If that doesn't motivate a last place team, I don't know what will.)

"It's frustrating. I'm giving you guys the same comments every stinking day and I'm getting a little bit tired of it. I've got no answers." (Is he tired of the stinking days? Or the same answers? We need more information, John.)

On the other hand, I think the Decoys are causing Girardi to veer into Maddon territory, on account of him being so confused about what's happening here:

On batting Hafner against a leftie: "I just thought today was a good day to do it and he made it work." (BULL. SHIT. Uh-uh. You had a hunch? Stop. You're better than that.)

So the Yankees play the next 5 at home, 2 vs Houston, 3 vs Oakland. I'll be back to daily recaps this week. I can't say it enough how much I love watching the Decoys.

Now they just have to overtake Boston (2.5 games up), but I'm all for pacing yourself. Don't overexert yourselves.

Even though the DL is apparently a mecca of hedonism and utopian pleasure based on its popular appeal, I don't think the Yanks should try their luck with a new crop of Decoys for the Decoys. Let's just keep playing the way they're playing.