"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Just got home from work and watching the Pirates/Braves game because it's in the 15th inning and one of the only games left. And thank GOD I get to root for the Yankees. When I say that, it has absolutely nothing to do with the Pittsburgh/Atlanta clubs, but my God, this is the most mindnumbingly boring broadcast I've ever listened to. I mean, the whole reason I got the MLB Extra Innings package in the first place was because I like listening to the announcers for other teams. If I wanted to just monitor the scores, I could have used GameDay for free.

And the only reason I turned on a Pitt/Atl game to begin with was because extra innings (particularly multiple extra innings) usually induces a kind of drunken-like delirium in announcers, where they get to this point where they forget where they are and start spouting out abruptly inappropriate commentary and anecdotes. But the most I got out of the Braves pitcrew was something about a time when one of them mixed a Red Bull with a slushee. Wild times in big ATL!

The Braves win in a walk-off single, and I'm indifferent.

The Yankees announcers, on the other hand (the radio ones, that is), kept me entertained from the 1st to last inning, as I was once again forced to experience game through the airwaves, while chained to my office.

I was actually supposed to be in attendance for this game, but as the fates had it, my poor buddy fell ill and I had to work til well past game's end. "Shit, we missed a goody," he texts me. But for a team who's already leading the majors in comeback wins, hopefully there's a few more goodies in the Yankees queue.

And a text exchange with another buddy:

"Grumble grumble. So much for getting out of work before dark. Sounds like another HR derby at the stadium."

"That it is, Pollina."

Sterling voiced his exuberant delight over the nature of the park that engenders so many long balls. "Well, Suzyn, as soon as we see this 1-0 pitch, I'm gonna make a point about this stadium...the pitch is low, ball 3...anyways, so I hope they NEVER change this park, EVER. I mean, the Yankees live and die by the long ball and with this park, they could hit it out every game!!"

I don't know if I feel exactly as thrilled about that, although it technically makes sense. But "living and dying by the long ball" isn't a practice I want the Yanks to perpetuate. I'd rather they not "live and die' by anything, but rather fortify all the areas of their team. Which they're very clearly doing right now. And not only that, but the Yanks aren't the only team that knows how to bash the ball. A HR park works both ways, and no sound is more deflating than an opponent going yard.

So while the boys beat the Rays yesterday by taking advantage of sloppy play and waiting out pitches, they did the opposite today, with homeruns from Swish (almost out of his slump shell completely...), Tex (of course), Damon ("I just have to remember that I am strong and my will could will the ball out," Damon said humorously), and Jeter (a treat! Treter? Wow. I apologize.)

And I know Sterling isn't really the most telegraphic source in terms of accurate, true-to-life play-by-play narration. So maybe I'm going by someone whose penchant for hyperbole is skewing my perception. Nonetheless, I'm hearing a lot of "hard shot towards left...and Jeter makes the grab...fires...IN TIME!"

"IN TIME!"

Over and over. And granted, all it's telling me is that the runner got called out at first on an infield hit. But I'm getting a little more out of it, which is that the defense on this team "looks" the best I've seen it in years. With ARod and Tex manning the corners, the lightning-quick Thing 1 and Thing 2 in center, the agile middle infielders, and the consistent RF/LF...the Yankees are putting an iron curtain on the field every night. It's almost poetic. Moving, really. I'm not even kidding.

Phil Hughes was wonderful in relief, and the kid's just such an asset to the team right now. To go from starter to the pen, and still be so smooth and precise with his throws is remarkable. It almost makes me angry at Wang (Wangry? Again, wow. I'm not proud.)

After the game, the boys flew out to Boston to open a 3-game set, and man is this gonna be one helluva week for them. TB, Boston, Mets. They got 1 game up on Boston, and this series is so huge (I don't care if it's June, a team gets swept here, they're put in a bit of a hole. Not an insurmountable one, but a hole. That's what she said. Jesus. I need to go to bed, I'm starting to sound like Kay with Tourette's.)

And speaking of Boston, ESPN today lost any modicum of credibility they ever had with me. I'm serious. I will never again pay even a second of attention to their analysis, predictions, or advice. I'd sooner default to Stephanie Tanner to weigh in on the sports world.

Because the middle child in "Full House" still probably wouldn't rank the Red Sux 3rd in this week's power rankings.

Yeah, the Sux. Who have been struggling through games, winning a series here, losing one there, demonstrating the only constant in their club is paradoxically their inconsistency.

What made the claim all the more egregious was their rationale for moving the Sux up one place from 4th to 3rd, while the Phillies and Rangers--both performing significantly better than Boston--are ranked beneath them.

Wait for it.

ESPN thinks that the Sux are the 3rd most powerful team because

"David Ortiz has raised his average from .185 to .198 with a six-game hitting streak."

Read it again. And again and again.

"David Ortiz has raised his average from .185 to .198 with a six-game hitting streak."

That's like a chick rewarding her boyfriend with an Xbox because he didn't cheat on her all week.

Congratulations, ESPN. You just claimed the top spot on my list of Things That Almost Made Me Decapitate Myself So I Would Be Spared From Acknowledging Its Presence.

Sort of like Ortiz's terrifying hitting streak. So intimidating I can't even think about the fact the Yanks are going to have to face him and his staggering sub .200 average for the next 3 days.

Much in the same way I'm terrified of applesauce and paper clips.