"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Am I worried about Jeter getting 4 hits before the end of the season? No. I’m confused, however, why CAPTAIN CLUTCH is in an 0-12 slump. Can’t he just do that thing that I do when I’m playing H.O.R.S.E or beirut when I assign absolutely ridiculous consequences to the outcome of the shot?

Like, “Ok if you miss this, that’s it. Everyone you know dies.” Or “If you make this one shot, the Yanks will win the World Series.” It helps a lot. So that’s my advice, Jetes. I should have been a batting coach. Or life coach. And by should, I mean I think that’s probably a worse idea than those boot-sandal hybrid monstrosities that are unfortunately all too prevalent in these streets.

According to Girardi, he’s taking a lot of ribbing from his teammates. I wonder where ARod plays into this. Is he happy someone else gets ribbed? Or bitter that Jeter’s ribbing is more amicable than his own?

The pitching matchup for tonight isn’t sitting well with me for some reason. John Lannon Jeff Niemann (12-5, 3.67) is solid, and Joba "Make Up Your F’n Mind" Chamberlain (8-5, 4.41) is um, well..special.

Fortunately, as I mentioned yesterday, the Yanks cover his ass when he’s pitching, and jack up the RS. This may be a little bit more challenging tonight, since I have a feeling Niemann’s the type of 2-trick pony that fools them once, and then does so for the rest of the game? Take the under on this one.

And then there's the Rays. “The inches have been going against us,” says Baddon. Really? Is that what you think? That’s an interesting take coming from someone who dealt Kazmir and who otherwise is taking his gameplan from the Mangini book of self-destruction.

The Rays are dealing with a 7-game losing streak, and I see no reason why tonight isn’t as good a night as any to make it nine. Seven-Eight-NINE! (I tried mightily to find some "why is 6 afraid of 7" joke in there, but came up miserably short.)

Joba went 3 innings for the 2nd time in his last “start.” (I feel cheap just calling it that.) And he knows the game plan tonight, but isn’t sharing that info with the rest of the class for some reason. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s slated to go for a legit start, but then when he’s chased after 3, he tells us in the post-game, “Nah, that was the plan all along.”) BUT I also wouldn’t be surprised if on this magical day of 9-9-9, he posts his 9th win.

The Yanks magic number is 15 today. I wish it was 9, for obvious reasons. And I wish Aces was starting. (Because of the 9 and all.) I think I’d be more comfortable with that, at the very least, when facing the moderately challenging, and potentially stifling righty that TB’s trotting to the mound. In his last start, he gave up 1 run in nearly 8 innings to Detroit. Against the Yanks, he’s less successful. But so is everyone.

I really want the Yankees to brutalize the Devil Rays tonight. I’m starting to feel the same kind of anger towards them as I do towards bombing comedians. First mild amusement, then sympathy, then discomfort, then contempt for making me uncomfortable when I did nothing but sit there. Slice them up, boys. They probably have a dead fish handshake, and those types of teams warrant some bone crushing grips.

There may or may not be something wrong with me. Play ball!