"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Yesterday was my first day back at the office after being in the Utopia-like Florida for the last week.

Not exactly an easing-back-into-things kind of situation.

Maybe "cannonballing" isn't the right analogy, since that implies you jump right into it and there's a brief moment of ice-water pain, then it's enjoyable. As opposed to tiptoeing into the frigid pool.

I need an analogy that's like cannonballing into a pool of rubbing alcohol after playing Red Rover, Red Rover with Edward Scissorhands.

The good news is that I only have 2 more days left and then it's already the weekend again. Sadly, I'll probably go back to being pale by then. Sigh.

I was at work til 11:00 last night, which made my 6pm fantasy draft a little challenging.

The league has 20 teams, with 24-man rosters. I don't even know who the hell half the people on my team even are. I'm pretty sure some of them aren't even fully formed zygotes, but rather nascent embryos that the Nationals and O's have already drafted into their farm systems.


Yeah, so that's what I'm working with. You'll notice the presence of Oliver Perez on the team. This is due largely to a post I wrote on January 27, in which I got more ridiculous fantasy tips from the resident lunatic. To be fair, I am indebted to him, since he taught me how to make my fantasy team name in Yahoo take up 2 lines.

In Yankee news:

UGH.

WHAT THE HELL??!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. This is so beyond anything that comes close to making sense. If ever in the history of the game there has been a player that is more exemplary of "The Prodigal Son"...well, nevermind, because there hasn't been, so I'm not even going to finish posing the tautology.

Basically, up until yesterday, Joba Chamberlain was posting a morbidly obese 27.00 ERA. To further underscore the disgusting-ness of this, consider that the next highest ERA is Chad Gaudin's 7.71 in 7 innings.

After that, here's the contestants in the addictive reality show of Elimin-Arm: (from yankees.com)

• After Hughes pitched four innings of scoreless three-hit ball in the Yanks' 4-1 win against the Astros on Tuesday, he lowered his spring ERA to 2.08 through 8 2/3 spring frames.
• Also in the mix, Aceves has been arguably the sharpest, with an 0.90 mark through 10 frames.
• Mitre (3.00 ERA in nine innings) also remain under consideration.

Listen, Aristotle once said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." Someone else once said, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

Why the f*&^ would you even toy with the idea of Joba existing outside of the pen, when everyone on God's green earth--from Diane Keaton to Ian Ziering to James Gandolfini--is a better starter than Joba Chamberlain?

Barring the common sense aspect of it, what do you think it's gonna do to the legit pitchers who are fighting their asses of for this 5th starter spot, if the useless collection of fat cells wearing #62 is awarded the role over them?

Career-wise, the advertising business can demand ungodly hours and unrelenting attention. And I'm ok with that. But what if one day, someone got promoted over me, who didn't share the same dedication? All it takes is one brilliant idea for an ad campaign to make someone a supernova in the agency industry. And when that happens, it doesn't matter what else (or how little) the employee contributed. It's the nature of the business, but no one can say it doesn't incense them if it should happen.

What does Joba have that is making everyone so desperate for him to be a starter? He's got 2 pitches, immaturity, inconsistency, and zero metabolism. In what galaxy are these traits considered the fundamental linchpins of a starting pitcher?

He makes me sick, to think of all those poor hurlers who don't get to start because Justin Chamberlain eats up all the innings and attention and love.

That's right. I'm back to calling him Justin. This means war.

In more optimistic news, a la players whose talent and effort is rewarded in kind:

According to the Star Ledger, NY Yankees' Brett Gardner pulling slightly ahead of pack in outfield competition:

So far, here’s the numbers for those in the mix:

*Gardner: 6-for-25 (.240/.345/.320), 1 RBI

*Thames: 3-for-21 (.143/.182/.143), 0 RBI

*Winn: 3-for-18 (.167/.211/.167), 0 RBI

Good, I like Brett. And I could never figure out why he was so discounted during the whole Damon-Granderson-Outfield rumor cesspool tidal wave.

Currently the Yankees are 6-8 (.429) in Spring Training, with the best record belonging to Tampa Bay (11-3). The Angels are sporting the worst AL record (3-9, .250), and--no surprise here--the Nats have the worst overall record (2-12, .143). But hey, it's just Spring Training. No big deal.

(Though someone should tell that to Cliff Lee, who got suspended for 5 games yesterday after intentionally beaning Dbacks catcher Chris Synder.

Lee is such an asshole. Not because he drilled someone, but because of the weeshpy (sp? word?) way he circumvented the issue afterwards. That's one of the things I love about AJ Burnett. He hits at someone. Hi admits it. He's an unapologetic sociopath.

Lee is just that guy who acts up in class and makes snide comments half under his breath all day, and then when he's under the hot lamp, he gets all shifty with his gazes and deflects blame, etc. Kind of like Phillip Seymour Hoffman at the end of Scent of a Woman. AJ=Chris O'Donnell. Lee=loser.)

HOWEVAH, when it comes to ridiculous spring training aggression, I'd have to give the award to Julian Tavarez on this one, who rivals even me with the "Seriously, do you not know this game means nothing?" delusions of grandeur.

In March 2000, Russ Davis on the Giants charged the mound because Tavarez struck him out and then did some minor celebration thing. Tavarez, who is nuts, raised the bar by reacting to the mound-charging with the totally normal move of a flying dropkick.

Six years later, Taverez got suspended for 10 days for "unsportsmanlike conduct." Joey Gathright was tagged out at the plate, and he started to protest that Tavarez was stepping on his forearm. Tavarez responded by decking Gathright in the face. Again, completely rational.

Anyways, that's all I got right now. I apologize for the lack of posts, I've been trying to catch up on things outside of baseball, and it's taking its toll on the blogging. I plan on having all ducks in a row by end of next week though, just in time for opening day. Just in time for the return to daily posts, previews, and analysis!

As for now, I'm heading out for my first softball practice of the season. What an amazing day outside. Not only am I stoked to be taking the field for the first time this year, but there's the added bonus that I love walking around the city with an aluminum bat.

(Technically, I guess not really taking the "field," per se. Apparently, we're practicing for the first time on pavement on 19th and 2nd. Right now, 2 of my coworkers are already there, 45 minutes early to "save the spots." Which makes me think we're playing in a parking lot, and they're lying down in car spaces. I'm fine with that.)