"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Grumble grumble.

Make no mistake, I would have LOVED to take Game 1 from the Sux last night. If the Yanks had won, I would have been prancing about waxing arrogant, spewing things like, “BACK TO BUSINESS AS USUAL!” “Here we go! 28# starts off on the right foot!” “Sox aren’t good at life!” etc etc.

However, such was not the case. And instead of being able to celebrate Easter and my sister’s birthday with a nice little Boston Bashing, I had to spend it listening to a smattering of New England idiots at a bar bang their fists on tables whooping it up.

To counter this, MVP Kevin who was bartending procured a lit birthday cupcake and led the bar in a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday to drown out the asinine beantown a-holes. He consistently like the Hideki of well-timed, much-needed, clutchness.

That said, I will say that despite missing out on an evening of over-the-top gloating in the face of our AL rivals, I can very seamlessly come to terms with the loss, especially when I consider how LAST season began for us (and, consequently, how last season ultimately concluded).

Riding back from my parents place and into the city, I was smushed in the back seat of my sister’s toy car-sized vehicle and listening to Waldman broadcast her rapid spiraling descent into total hysteria and madness.

“PEDRO JUST HUGGED A-ROD!...AND NOW HE’S STILL BOWING. OH MY GOD, HE’S GONNA TAKE AN HOUR AND HALF TO DO THIS BEFORE HE EVEN THROWS THE FIRST PITCH. AND HE IS JUST LOVING THIS!”

Pedro Martinez was who the Sux chose to throw their first pitch, and before doing so he did his spot-on impression of Trip McNeely in “Can’t Hardly Wait.” I’m so confused by this selection. Wasn’t Pedro the guy the Yanks have embarrassed in every way, shape, and form? The guy who handed us the Game 6 victory last year that handed us the crown? THAT’s who they wanted opening the season for them?

Whatever, I guess it worked, since it must have inspired Girardi to do his best Grady Little impression.

CC Sabathia was brilliant for the first 5. And then quite abruptly, was not. Boston was roping hits all over the field, and I had my first “Girardi can’t manage the bullpen” pang of the season, a sentiment which I thought had been resolutely extradited from my mind after last year. And, just like old times, it was the bullpen that our Achilles heel.

I did NOT see that coming.

Well, except from Chan Ho Park. I don’t know where the hell he came from (not literally, but rather rationale-wise), but I just sort of hoped he’d be buried in the rest of our proven arms. Like D-Rob. Aceves. Marte. The guys who we most recently remember dazzling us.
Park did get tagged with the loss, which is usually what happens when you give up 3 hits, 1 HR, 3 runs, and can’t even get to 3 outs.

Though it appeared our relievers were faltering, it looked a lot worse than it was, which is definitely cause for promise. D-Rob, the master of first-pitch-strikes, looked as sharp as I remember him, giving up an unfortunate run for an inherited runner. Marte’s pitches themselves weren’t hemorrhaging plate-crossers, but rather Posada’s difficulties in catching them. And welcome Joba Chamberlain back to the land of successful 8th inning relief.

Way to go, Park. You’re making everyone else look bad.

Josh Beckett picked up where he left off with the Yankees, getting crushed all over the park including back to back home runs from Posada and Granderson. (The last time this happened on opening day? THE DAY MY SISTER WAS BORN: APRIL 5, 1983.)

I guess this is what just made the loss so aggravating. The Yanks looked filthy at first. Double-steals. Manufacturing runs. Pounding hits. Just like last year.

What was egregiously absent from both sides, though, was any kind of interest in that whole defense thing. Granderson, I will say, was a noticeable improvement in CF. Gardner was about as good as I expected him. But overall, the fieldwork from the Yanks? Not your best work.

Fortunately for you, it still wasn’t as laughable as Beckett the Yankee Killer’s 9.64 ERA on the day.

So that’s that. The Yankees start 0-1. The Red Sux are undefeated. It’s funny, because you’d think after what happened last year after they destroyed us in eight straight games, that Boston fans would be a little less prone to outlandish premature aggrandizing.

But I guess it’s like Emerson said: “No change of circumstance can repair a defect of character.”

Looks like we’re stuck with another season of the Sux fans making fools of themselves.

I’ll take the loss. Thank God baseball’s back.

LET’S GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(That's 28 exclamation points. Just saying.)