"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

I had an alumni function on the roof of the Met last night. Last year when me and Evan went, it looked like a scene from Poltergeist. This year it looked like something out of Donkey Kong Kountry.

All this bamboo and what not.

Thank God for Evan, I don't know if I could have handled the shitshow of seeing hoards of ex-classmates that I may or may not actually remember going to school with.

Also, MVP goes to W&L Class of 2003 alum Nate, and his brother, for their outstanding descriptions of the ideal bar to open up in NYC, one in which the floors are made of trampolines.

"I don't know, man. It'd be kind of hard to meet girls that way."

"Psh. You know how many chicks I've picked up on trampolines. You cant even BLEED [sic] it."

Awesome.

They also saved me from having to deal with my pain in the ass ex. Added bonus.

So when I check the score on my phone, I show my blackberry to Evan, and move the mouse over the 0 in the hit column. "Oh my God, Yankee fans are crazy. It's the 4th inning and you guys are thinking about a NO HITTER?!"

He jinxed poor little Javy.

But that wasn't the worst thing that happened to poor little Javy last night.

So I leave the Met, head to McDonald's, and keep track of the game on my phone. By the time I'm finished pounding a cheeseburger and fries en route to the bar, Javy's let up a hit.

Damn.

Potential no-no's are stressful. At my last softball game, the pitcher had a perfecto going, which--c'mon--in a summer softball league, is pretty ridic. Because there's no such things as "routine plays."

If someone successfully throws out a runner on a soft grounder, it's cause for a parade. So after 4 innings of 3 up 3 down, I was admittedly starting to get nervous about the possibility of a hard hit ball coming screaming about 4 feet to the right of me, missing it, and ruining the day. The good news was that that never happened to me. The bad news was that it happened to our OF. Oh well.

Anyways, so thanks to Evan's stupid jinx Javy gives up a hit, but the score still remains at 0-0.

"Yankees took advantage of more inept Mets play to win the opener of the Subway Series 2-1 on Friday night."

Ha. So sad. "More inept Mets play." Good way to put it.

Then Kevin Russo breaks the game open. I love how the scrappy B-listers are the ones carrying the team for the past month. Miranda. Cervelli. Russo. Gardner. What the f is going on right now? It's weird. It also gives me something to retaliate with when I have to listen to the morons whinng about payroll.

(Which there were a LOT of last night. A LOT. To the point where I couldn't even be around it anymore. For some reason, every where I turned in the bar there was another Red Sux fan waiting to assault me with digs about the Yanks. They're such freaking imbeciles. You just got held to 1 run by Cole Hamels. Shut up, assclowns.)

Thanks to Russo's 2-run ribbie, the Yanks hold onto the lead. Joba comes in and my heart sinks, but he pitches OUTSTANDING.

WELL DONE, WELL DONE, kid.

Of course, I have to mention the fact that Javy hurt himself bunting, and Keith sets off a huge turmoil of hysteria when he tells me he's out for 6 weeks with a broken finger. I don't think this is true, though, since I just read that "Javy is expected to make his next start" and I'm not really sure that's a feasible possibility when only playing with 4 working digits.

If we lost another pitcher to f#$%ing interleague play, who knows what Steinbrenner would have done?? Remember a few years ago, his response to losing Wang?

"My only message is simple: The National League needs to join the 21st century," Steinbrenner said. "They need to grow up and join the 21st century. I've got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He's going to be out. I don't like that, and it's about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s."

A rule from the 1800s? Ha. Pretty sure the DH thing didn't come around til the 70s, but semantics. Still, I see his point. Sort of. It's very blurry and hazy, but I can kind of make out his point.

I'm all over the place today, sorry. A little tired from last night I guess. So the Mets are down 2-0, the Yanks can't figure out a way to score any more runs. Whatever, we'll deal with that later. Russo bought you some time, bats. D-Rob, Marte, and Joba come in to pitch a combined 2 innings. Cervelli makes a throwing error, and little Super Mario needs him some resurgence.

So there's that. Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention that Mo came dangerously close to blowing another save. But I love Mo, and I'm sick of everyone asking "OMG WHATS WRONG WITH MO?" He had too bad outings, and all of sudden the "age is catching up to him" stuff is rolling out in droves.

The guy is fine. Let's all back off. As someone pointed out last night, "the fact that we can recall all his blown saves is just a testament to how rare an occurrence they are."

Excellent point.

The Yanks win the the first of the Subway Series, 2-1. Thanks to Kevin Russo and poor little Javy, the quiet bats (AGAINST HIKEDKPSDKSAJA [sic] AND OLIVER PEREZ?>????!?) get a free pass. You guys should really send the aforementioned heroes of the game some kind of bubbly.