"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

First:

From "The Wordsworth Book of Euphemism" by Judith S. Neaman and Carole G. Silver (Wordsworth Reference, New York, 1983, 1990): Eric Partridge suggests that this phrase is drived from 'hang one on', around 1935, originating in the United States and later adapted in Canada. A hangover - or 'the morning after' is related to having been 'hung' or 'tied one on'.

Alternative: "Tie one on" dates back to the 1800's US wild west where a cowboy would have to tie up his horse to a hitching post before he could go into the saloon (to presumably get drunk).

Alternative: British slang phrase "tie a bun on," also meaning "to get drunk."

That's not really what I was talking about, but I figured it'd be as good a time as any to research that expression.

What I actually am referring to is the 1-1 tie between USA and England in the World Cup. I feel like I'm in the Emperor's New Clothes or something. I'm just completely immune to all the crazy hype surrounding the World Cup. And this is coming from someone who generally loves watching ALL sports except for golf and tennis. And from someone who played soccer.

I don't know, I just can't get into it, but whatever. Good for USA for not losing.

Apparently they were expected to get their asses handed to them, and as such, a 1-1 tie was considered a win (according the drunk elder gentleman in the elevator today. I made the standard small talk about the weird weather, he responded with, "Weather? Why aren't you out drinking!" I love that this 70 year old man, wearing a blazer and khakis, inhaling potato chips, was just out daytime drinking. I don't love the fact that it made me realize that guy has more of a life than me.)

I asked him who won the soccer game.

"USA!! 1 to 1!"

"Um. What?"

"Well, it was a tie, but trust me, I'm not the only one who considers it a win."

Listen, not to downplay the USA, that's great they gave the British such a run for their money and all, but you know what they say about ties... (or what Duffy Daughtry says about 'em anyway)... "A tie is like kissing your sister."

They took the field, they were playing to win. I'm impressed they didn't get blown out, but I'm not going to lionize them for not outright losing. That's like saying, "I'm gonna give you a raise because even though you didn't WIN that new business pitch, you didn't LOSE any accounts either."

Plus, everyone can agree that a tie sucks.



SO WHY DO THEY EXIST? Seriously! How hard is it to tack on an OT to a soccer game? You pour your blood sweat and tears into a match, why would you waste that on a stalemate? Why not just keep going til a winner and loser is delineated and the game you just weathered actually has meaning?

There is NOTHING is life that a tie is necessary for. It's like saying, "She's one of my best friends." You can't have more than 1 best friend. A best friend is, by design, the highest ranked colleague.

In baseball, there's no "tie goes to the runner" in actuality because it's never an actual tie. Something got there first, the ball or the foot.

In contests of taste, like, "Which outfit/singer/boyfriend/food do you like better?" there's also no need for a tie. You can say it's splitting hairs, but there HAS to be one that edges out the other. If a wedding reception caterer put a gun to your head and said, "Steak or seafood, what'll it be?" you'd make a choice. You wouldn't hem and haw and think it was a tie.

It's really mind-boggling to me why this option even exists. There's no tie in picking the president. Why is this avenue one that's still entertained?

Sweet Christ, that's what competition is. Someone wins. Someone loses. Get rid of the f'n tie outcome, or at least let's identify the communist who spearheaded this whole "tie movement" to begin with, so we can treat him to ample amounts of social alienation and degradation.

He or she deserves it.