"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

This may have been the best weekend of my summer so far. It should probably tell me something that I spent all of about 15 minutes of it in NYC, the rest of it outside NY. This, of course, left me devoid of internet access though. Maybe that had something to do with it, too. We can deduce from this tautology that, indeed, the internet is evil.

We can also deduce from what the Yankees did this weekend that the New York Yankees are so f%^*ing awesome.

I went out to Long Beach on Saturday, and me and Amanda are about to go to the beach, and we're looking for Mom. "I think she's in the bathroom."

"She's been in there for a while."

"I don't know, maybe she's sick."

"Did you knock?"

"No, if she's sick, I don't want to bother her."

So we go across the street to my aunt's place, and it's a good thing we didn't wait for her to come out of the bathroom since had been across the street the whole time. (I cannot tell you how many times this happens to me. I swear I am like the perennial line-holder-upper at bars. All because I don't want to knock and disturb whoever's in there. And it almost ALWAYS turns out that I am holding up the line for an empty bathroom.)

Anyways, the point of this story is that had I not thought someone was in the bathroom in my own place and hence went across the street, I would have missed the greatest hit Jeter has ever had in his career.

My mom, aunt, uncle, et al are all crowded around the TV watching with baited breath.

And he did it.

It was unreal.

I think my uncle's eyes may have even welled up a little. And he's a Mets fan!

How does Jeter do it. How. It's not human.

The guy has hit 2 HRs all year, and come 3000, when it's a 1-0 game, he ties the game and makes history in one swing.

Of course, he doesn't stop there.

He goes 5-for-5 on the day, singles in the winning run, and it was just one of those days you look at other teams and think, "God, I'm so lucky I'm a Yankee fan."

"It would have been really, really awkward to be out there doing interviews and waving to the crowd after the game if we had lost. So that was going through my head in my last at-bat today," Jeter said.

Good old, Jeter. Just trying to avoid things being awkward. It's like Pfizer being all, "Well, we went ahead and developed a treatment for the most life-threatening form of lung cancer known to mankind. Because, I mean, we don't want to put out other drugs for lesser diseases and not have a cure for the worst one of all. That'd be kind of awkward."

So...thank you, Mr. Jeter. For keeping things socially acceptable, aka hitting the game-winning single so we could all relish in your day in good conscience.

(Ha, you know what was REALLY awkward? After Jeter hit the single that passed Gehrig in all time hits...after all the fanfare dies down...the first thing that happened? Chris Tillman--completely unironically--tries to pick him off first. Seriously.)


Speaking of good conscience, how about the dude who CAUGHT the 3000th hit? Who basically asked for a ham sandwich and a glass of milk as payment? Ok, I'm gonna be honest here. I love the Yankees. And if it was, say, Mo's 3000th save--(yeah, I know)--even with Mo being my favorite player and all, I STILL think I'd try to get a little something out of it.

I'm sorry, I would. I mean, I wouldn't try to put dibs on their grandchildren's inheritance or something. I talked about it with my coworker Gabe, I decided that I probably would have asked for 5 g's, playoff tickets, and an autographed bat. Because, come on, that's like a bajillion dollar ball right there!

Anyways, good for Christian Lopez. He has over $100,000 in student loans, and that ball was probably gonna go for $250,000 in an auction. If I had a family, there's no way I would have sold it for less than $250,000. How fitting that the classiest guy in the stadium caught the ball of the classiest guy on the field.

(Another thing to note: you know how I am about number coincidences. #2 hit his 2nd hit of the game exactly at 2pm. He's also the 28th guy to do in history. 28...why does that number ring important for some reason...)

If Saturday's game was one for the offensive books, then Sunday's was one for the books of the defensive persuasion.

Tubbo.com--you may know him as THE GUY WHO WASN'T ON THE ORIGINAL ALL-STAR ROSTER--(or as the guy who ate the lion's share of Eastern Europe)--pitched a complete game shut out. In, like, 2934 degree heat.

The most ridiculous part of the whole game?

The last pitch.

The one that struck out Elliot Johnson.

The last one he threw.

98 miles an hour.

Good God.

Fatso wrapped up in the game in 2 hours and 11 minutes. (More 2's!)

That's insane. The Yankees played this weekend like Baseball All Stars team that has the "what is a wren" cheat code programmed in.



We still trail Boston by 1 game, but who doesn't like what they're seeing right now??

And to make matters even more terrifying for our opponents... the Yanks aren't even a 1st half team.

Which is to say that, you think this is tough? You don't KNOW tough.

The Yanks haven't even begun to play.

We're just getting warmed up.

(Oh, nbd, but Round Boy got a pie in the face. Yep. Odds that he ate it off himself? 100%.)

So that's where the Yanks are at heading into the All-Star break. It's a good thing Jeter got 3000 outta the way. And that Tubbo.com really stuck it to the voters. And that the Yanks are playing like possessed bulls on parade to the 'ship.

Because, if nothing else, it's sort of taking the attention away from our boy Arod. Who's going into surgery. Again. And who hasn't been going yard. Still. But who will of course return with a vengeance.

Because that's what they do.

And that's why the Yankees can have nice things.