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April 7, 2012

Well, it's not like anyone let up 5 bombs or anything.

No one from the Yankees, anyway.

I went out for my buddy Ollie's birthday last night, and since the birthday boy is easily the best fantasy player/baseball guru I know (despite being a Mets fan), we spent a good part of the night hashing out what the hell is going on in baseball.

"You have these complete idiots thinking they're smart just because they don't know what they're doing and everything in baseball is wrong right now! You guys are in last place and my Metsies are in first? Come on."

(Also, last night I heard the line "I'd say we are the 3 biggest Oliver Perez fans in the world." Which is the first and last time in the history of ever that line will ever be uttered. This is why I love my friends. Also, Ollie on my Silly Race analogy: "The Silly Race wasn't even that silly, you know. It was just a regular race. That went uphill." Gold.)

Kirodu didn't really do anything impressive for the Yanks, and I'm not saying this based on one Game 2 weak outing, but I really just am not on board with this one. (To give you an idea of the validity of my gut feelings, I also wasn't "on board" with Granderson.)

NL to AL pitching, etc etc. There's not a snowman's chance in hell that he's keeping his ERA in the 3.07 range. Our #2 starter is good for 4 runs every outing, but fortunately we have the all-powerful Yankee lineup backing him.

It's funny how the aforementioned lineup is perennially absolved of their droughts because they're so firmly entrenched in their Yankee-esque, Bowser-like power. Speaking of batting preconceived notions, it  was sad to see Arod dribble out to end the game. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Game stuff:
  • The Yanks fell into a 4-0 hole once again. They also lost again. Also, the last time the Yanks were 0-2 to start the season? 2009, and before that, 1998. Which worked out pretty well, yeah?
  • The hitting, once again, was stellar. Our 3-4 guys fired blanks but seriously I'd be a little concerned if Tex contributed anything useful prior to May 15. It just wouldn't be right.
  • Nunez had a pretty costly error that allowed 2 runs in, which of course turned out to be pretty costly, given the Yanks managed to ultimately pull within 2, as the Yanks are want to do.

But more importantly, why the hell is Girardi resting Jeter on Day 2 of the season? Is it a "these games don't really count" kind of thing? Or is Jeter hurt? Or is Jeter still on Florida time? Apparently it was "an astroturf thing." I'm not sure what exactly transpired in the last 4 months, but it would appear that Jeter is now made of a hyperallergenic porcelain with a frail tolerance for fake grass.

I think Girardi honestly is just trying to get people off his back. He never really mixed up the lineup last year, (cough...Arod batted cleanup all season for no apparent reason...cough), and Maddon is John Nash because he's making these little switheroos that are *helping* the Devil Rays *pound* the Yanks in the first games of the season.

It's sort of like in Happy Gilmore when Shooter McGavin bites the bullet and tries his hand at the whole hockey slap shot thing. Just to see if there is anything to the hype.

Two days ago Maddon is a genius because he moves Pena from the 7 spot to the 6 spot. Yesterday his charity case is Matt Joyce:

From ESPN:
Joyce, moved by Maddon into the cleanup spot after going 0 for 4 with four strikeouts as the No. 9 hitter on Friday, hit his solo homer for 4-0 lead in the third.
"Joyce, moved by Maddon"? Who else would he be moved by? Oh you're SO SMART, Maddon. I swear to God, I think Maddon goes home and watches Hoosiers every night, sometimes having a double feature of that and Dead Poet's Society. And he puts himself to sleep at night imagining all the Devil Rays getting up on the bench in the dugout, "Oh Captain, My Captain"-ing up. Seriously.

This was a pretty classic regular season Yankee loss, if you think about it. Losing to Tampa, just like old times. Coming from behind in the last innings, giving us all hope.*

BUT, you know what? People are making it out to be worse than it is, just because it's Game 2. Look at the box score, the Yanks were 3-8 with RISP, Tampa was 5-14. 9 hits vs 10 hits. 2 double plays on Yanks, 3 on Tampa. (Including one particularly filthy play from Eduardo "I made an error. I also look like a frog from a Care Bears movie." Nunez. Cheers, boy. Way to keep your head up.)

And as the announcer for the Masters just astutely stated, "I can tell you that if he was leading after 54 holes, he would not be enjoying milk with his Swedish tenderloin."

Is this like a thing in golf? I have no idea. I just know that it gave me pause as I'm sitting in my parents place on Easter, typing this up, while my Dad yells at political commentaries on tv and occasionally harmlessly flips over to the Masters.

So, yeah, I can tell you that if the Yankees were undefeated through the 2012 regular season, then they would NOT be enjoying milk with their Swedish tenderloin.

And I don't think I have to spell out how much it sucks to have a slab of meat without a glass of milk to wash it down.

Happy Easter!

*For those of you interested in the actual logistics of this: Raul Ibanez's ninth-inning sacrifice fly and Swisher's three-run homer off Joel Peralta trimmed a six-run Yankees deficit to 8-6. Robinson Cano drew a walk from Jake McGee, but Rodriguez grounded out.


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