"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

I'm taking in the game now and the Yanks are up 4-0, and I'm so tempted to start BWHAHAHA-ing, but shouldn't I know better by now? Last night was bananas.

CONE ZONE LETTERS

And before I say anything more about last night, a thank you of galactic proportions to David Cone for referencing my site last night!

Seriously, I am touched and honored, and just like the letter the little boy wrote to the owners of the "Cone Zone" ice cream store after the class trip (no relationship to Cone of the David persuasion, coincidentally)-- "It was so good I almost exploded." That was written about a "bol' [sic] of ice cream with gummie bears. I echo those sentiments in regard to hearing CrazyYankeeChick.com on YES.

So, thank you times infinite, Coney.

I feel like Magwitch in Great Expectations, after Pip brings him the tools and food. The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Maybe years from now I can be Cone's mysterious benefactor. Though I don't really see how he could "benefact" from me. I'll think of something. I make good spinach and artichoke dip and can play the piano.

And also, thank you to everyone who came to the site! I hope you continue reading it. I will say that I know Coney couched this in the context of Kay's talk about his statisticians, but anyone who's been reading this for a bit can attest to the fact that my coverage of the Yankees isn't very statistically minded. I mean, most recently I think I attributed "approximately 239 runs" to rookie Adam Warren.

Semantics. Anyways, I was an English major, so I have a tough time with numbers. (That was fun growing up, with my math-prodigy Dad impatiently helping me with my long division. "Why do you not understand this??" Well, at least I know where I get my complete inability to teach. Me giving piano lessons: "This is a scale. And you can't do it. How does that make you feel?" Short-lived career.)

Okay, I'm gonna BWHAHAHAHA now. I'm sorry, but Andruw [should be sic] Jones and Jason Nix just hit b2b bombs. And it's 6-0. Why am I doing this? Because I have a feeling that this is the Yankees mixing it up in terms of finding ways to torture the Sox.

Last time at Fenway they let Boston get soooo close to embarrassing us and then made a ridiculous comeback to humiliate Boston so much so that they had to cancel the 3rd day of their centennial celebration (I 100% don't buy that it was due to inclement weather.)

Last night they gave Boston hope that this was THEIR night to be the butchers. But no. No, that didn't happen. The Red Socks lose. And today I think the Yanks are just applying a good ol' fashioned rout method.

Alright back to the game. Boston has been "threatening" a little. They just put a run on the board. And I think they're about as "threatening" as a dark cloud in an otherwise blue sky kind of day. You know, when weathermen are like, "it's threatening to rain." I love when they say that, because I'm thinking of these clouds giving ultimatums, like "Just have the money for me by noon, or the earth gets it!"

As far as last night's highlights go, here we are:

Tex joining the "ok-I'll-bite-you-want-me-to-talk-shit-about-the-Boston-Red-Sox?-fine-I'll-do-it-write-this-down" fray. I LOVE love when players depart from the whole customer-service-manual-esque script of how to answer questions related to the Biggest Rivalry in Sports.

 (Seriously, I write a lot of objection handler type things at my job, for sales reps, and sometimes I think professional athletes have someone writing ones for them, too.) So I love when, instead of saying, "the media blows it out of proportion, we're actually all really good friends, and just want to help the team and thank God," they say something like, "Ok, I would kill so-and-so given the chance. Seriously."

Gary Sheffield was great at that. His post-game interviews were like: "How did you feel after you got hit in the head with a pitch?" "All I'm saying is that if I see him outside of the stadium, shit might happen." "Oh. So let's talk about that 5-inning homerun..?"

Tex's contribution about teeing off on good old Padilla:

"He doesn't have too many friends in the game. Guy throws at people. Fact of the matter, I'm not saying anything that's news.In the NFL, he'd probably be suspended by (commissioner) Roger Goodell eight games or a whole season. There's only one guy in baseball. No one else does this. That's the thing that is unbelievable to me."

Tex got a triple and celebrated at 3rd, which is awesome.

Kuroda wasn't that awesome, but that's ok I think. Beckett was a nightmare, as usual. Where's Bill Simmons' deluge of pieces lionizing the bastard now? Same goes for Papelbum who gave up a walk-off to the METS a night ago. Jesus. This is why the Yankees have an Old Timer's Weekend and the Red Sox don't. Because the Yanks' talent isn't ephemeral or trendy. They're classic and classy.

As opposed to...

Bobby Valentine saying Padilla should probably fire at people's heads MORE.

(Ok, I will say that I actually respect how Bobby immediately rushed to the defense of his pitcher. That's what you're supposed to do. He may be crazy, but at least he's not doing that annoying thing where you're apologizing for your players' behavior. It's like a girlfriend going up to a guy at a bar and apologizing for her boyfriend being a jealous freak. Who cares if he's being jealous? Your loyalties should be to your boyfriend, not the stranger at the bar. So...nice work, Bobby? Kind of.)

Ortiz actually played pretty well last night because he's loaded for bear now, apparently. He's batting an insane .308 after going 3 for 4 last night. What the hell is going on? No one wants to investigate this further?

I guess what difference does it make, really. It's like when I was in high school and for some reason we actually played a school for the deaf in basketball, which just seemed unfair, so the refs didn't really call things like double dribbling and travelling and out of bounds. And I for one was very okay with this. Similarly, maybe if you're in the situation the Socks are in, you're allowed to shadily have a .308 batting average and no one will call you on it.

HOLY CRAP, ANDRUW JONES JUST PULLED AN ENDY CHAVEZ. AMMMMMAZING!!! Good God that was incredible. Wow.

Jeter also had a ridiculously huge play last night at short, which made me happy because I hate when everyone inexplicably says he's the worst short stop in baseball, just because some study came out years ago that allegedly "proved" this.

As someone who actually reads clinical studies all day at work, I question the study design and methods used in this since them seemed to be a little, oh I don't know, subjective? A fuzzy set?  Whatever, Jeter f'n is awesome, his play at short was acrobatically divine, and it ended saving us a run. Cheers!

That was last night in a nutshell. I apologize for the back and forth between tenses that probably made this about as easy to follow as Vanilla Sky. But for the 2nd game in the double header, I'll be live blogging it. Log on to check it out and comment!

Thanks again for checking out the site! And in a final note, I'd like to assert my obsession with the fact that Soriano's "fist-pump" equivalent is violently untucking his shirt after the last out.