"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

*This post was started in an 8' by 10' storage facility. If those doors locked from the inside, I would have stayed and played the piano all night. Unbelievable acoustics.

Ahh, it's 1:15 am, and I'm actually kind of surprised it's that early. I love that feeling. Like a mini-version of waking up on a Saturday and thinking it's a Sunday.

With the first half the double header being played in the day (as the first half of double headers are want to be played), I was handcuffed to Gametracker. Realllly wanted the Pettitte game to be the 2nd game, but as it turns out, it was probably better I didn't get to see the day game. Apparently, he was pitching for a crowd of about 12 or something.

And he was not happy about it. I love Andy, but I think it's kind of funny that he does the now boilerplate move of returning from retirement (dramatically) to the open arms of adoring fans...and when he comes off the DL (dramatically) riiiiight around the time that he basically has a copyright on. I mean, Pettitte=Late September Glory. Like Pavarotti and opera, it's a connotation in which he's resolutely entrenched.

"Look who's back, guys! Please, don't crowd, don't crowd. Hey, isn't anyone gonna crowd?"

Hey, Andy? We're "geeked" you're back (I just learned that word from Strange). We just couldn't all take off work to personally welcome you home.

But of course we missed you. Quandoque cum una persona est absentis, totum mundus videtur populatae.

It's funny because while Andy was probably expecting the stadium to be just BRIMMING with salivating fans, I just imagine Arod peeking out into the seats and being all "Phew!" I swear there was a theater major who, before every play we were in was just about to start, she'd stick her head out from behind the curtain, survey the crowd, and either say, "Great. Just great. Full house." Or "guess what! Half empty. Thank God."

Why audition in the first place? She said because she thought acting was fun, but didn't like to do in front of a lot of people. I guess at a place like Washington & Lee where the only rule is not to lie, theater might have been an outlet? Whatever, the point is that I think at one point in Arod's life he loved playing for a crowd. Then probably around the time he joined the Yankees, he started wishing for a schedule full of day games.

Yeah, it's 2AM now and I haven't even scratched surface of 1st game. Here we go. My efficiency is going to be the stuff that sand pipers envy.

Jeter's gets to take the first game off (is that a "gets to" or a "has to" situation? I hope it's the latter.) Sneach leads off in his stead and good God, where the hell did this guy come from? One day the Yankees just pick him up, NBD, and then he's acting all ageless and Sneachy and bomber-y all at once.

That is to day, he got 3 hits. Excitement!

He also made a run-saving, if not game-saving, catch that has been described as "great." Obviously, I didn't see the game, all I saw was a red dot pop up next to the Outs section of Gametracker. But the way it was talked about across Twitter et al, you'd think he had done this and not this.

Yeah, he made an awkward catch that shouldn't have been that awkward. But because he has no bone marrow and is basically one of those things in Lord of the Rings that doesn't make footprints (an elf? I hate those movies), he got the wind knocked out of him by a line drive.

He said this THROUGH A TRANSLATOR (the gig is up! I saw you laughing with Joba!): "I'm glad I don't have a big belly because if I did it might've hit the belly and popped out."

He sounds like he's talking about an induced pregnancy, and not a routine outfield snag. I like to see translators having fun† with their sneachily English-speaking clients.

After 5 beautiful innings where he let up 4 hits and 0 runs, the bullpen came in to finish the rest of the game. Color Swatch, D-Lo, Joba, Blogan, D-Rob, and R-So. A helluva lot of relievers used. Especially considering there was a WHOLE OTHER GAME TO PLAY THAT NIGHT.

Girardi is so f'n indecipherable sometimes. You know who else is? R-So. They need to stop interviewing him in the post-games because he sounds more and more concussed and less and less like something other than a sheet of copper being flapped in the wind.

D-Rob's bloom has fallen from rose. Or a petal has, at least. A couple of bad outings in a row. He did this last year and the year before when shit was starting to get real. 4 hits in frame, 2 runs.

As for offense, Cano doubles in first run, Arod grounds out a run, Grandy sac flies a run, Swish singles in a run. More of the same. Barring the MOMENTOUS ANDY ADVENT (ANDVENT), I don't know if fans got their proverbial money's worth.

The night game, however, was a good one. They got more bang for the buck, I'd say. Phelps, who has recently been promoted to "Last Name Only" status (congratulations!), is another person who seemed to be like, "Ohh, ok, this is what you need from me? Ok. Just tell me when you need it by."

Where's Ohyob? Sneach hits a ground-rule double in 9th.

He gave up 1 run and 3 hits over 7 hits. That's just outstanding beyond the telling of it. Exactly what we needed from him. Sneach also delivered. 7 for 8 on the day, and 4 of NY's 7 SBs were his.

(That's what we got him for, right? Seriously, I'm still unclear. Because I feel like the Yankees picked up Sneach the way I make impulse fantasy moves. I don't analyze my specific needs. I just look for the player with the highest stats in everything.)

Does anyone else think Sneach is just like oblivious to the fact he's playing on a team? Not in a bad way. But in a Forrest Gump way.

He swings as hard as he can, he runs as fast as he can, and never seems to care whether or not they won or not. Hell, I'm not entirely sure he knows what team he's on.

He also happened to drive in the winning run in the 8th, which prompted Sterling to say, "ICHIRO! My God, he's done everything here today but sell hotdogs!" Hehe.

Ricky Romero pitched for the Jays, and now he can add "gave up Jeter's 200th hit of the season" to "13 straight losses" in his "How I Spent the 2012 Season" list that he undoubtedly has scrawled in burnt charcoal or lipstick across his bathroom mirror.

Jeter's 200th hit means that he ties Gehrig for most 200-hit seasons as a Yankee (8), and officially is making my head spin with all the ongoing lists and records that Jeter's being tracked to break. No mas. From now on, the only one I'm paying attention to is the overall hits. No qualifiers. Just hits.

The O's OF COURSE won in 13 innings. Be more aggravating, Baltimore. Seriously. Crab cakes and pissing me off, that's what Maryland does! More so than football anyway. When has Maryland ever "done" football?

Romero also has 13 straight losses. His post-game response seemed to indicate that the problem is that he's obviously suffered a stroke: "I had a good delivery," Romero said. "That's one of the things I battled myself all year."

What?

Whatever, it doesn't really matter.

The bottom line here is that the Yankees are still in first.


To further sum up the 4-2 and 2-1 wins that both came on the same day:

• Pettitte is back AND EVERYONE IS SO EXCITED WE ALMOST EXPLODED
• Ohyob tied Mike Schmitt's record for the most ground-rule doubles in a single inning during Wednesday twinbills
• Sneachiro was pure gold‡ and counts his blessings about his belly
• Jeter got his 200th hit of the season
• Arod's contributions remain permanently tethered to the "under-the-radar" region of public perception
• Phelps no longer has to be called "David"
• R-So gets his shirt untucked then warbles through post-game interview
• Yankees sweep Toronto despite Girardi's desperate attempts to use every pitcher ever in the history of life during Game 1
• Oh, Casey McGehee somehow snuck back into the picture. Girardi is determining his lineup by virtue of tarot cards

Magic.

Thursday night's game is Laffey vs Hughes. I instinctively am nervous about this for one of the more irrational illusory corrollaries to which I've ever subscribed.

Smyley of Detroit. Yanks didn't fare too well against him in a game played in April.

Laffey of Toronto has a name that is kind of like Smyley.

You connect the dots.

I'm happy the Yankees had such an exciting day. So before my use of "excitement" crosses into Tebow territory, I'm gonna call it a night.

Est noctem.

Or I'm gonna watch Investigation Discovery until the sun comes up.

Cheers!


†PS It bears mentioning that I was in China town today to accompany my dad to see a woman who was going to call China for him to talk to some random wood distributor about making pet urns. I almost want to be accused of something that happened last night, just so I can tell authorities my alibi.

‡Well, he was only 7 out of 8. If this were a test and Sneach needed to have it signed by his parents, my Dad would say, "what happened to the missing point?" God, Sneach. GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR ASS. Try to keep up, we're in crunch time, buddy.