"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Loss.

I was kind of hoping that the Decoys would have a bit of a different experience at Coors than the Real Yanks, but it appears that the whole Home Field Advantage thing is not a myth in Colorado.

This was the 2nd time in a week where I thought a 2-0 loss was boring to watch. And it shouldn't be! I mean, I get excited at pretty much anything. My blood pressure raises if I so much as see there are Dark Chocolate Milky Ways in the basket at reception on Candy Wednesdays.

So a low scoring game like this one should have been sending me into fits of coronaries. Kuroda pitched pretty well, (as evidenced by the relatively small amount of runs on the Rockies' end), but I think this was one of those times when the score belied the outing.

After Gonzalez' 2-run ding broke the 0-0 tie in the 6th, it was like breaking the seal. I missed the final out of the inning, but I remember thinking when I saw that the top of the 7th had finally arrived after a rapid succession of hard hits, "Wait. No one scored after the homerun?"

I was sure the score would have somehow become 5-0 in the minutes it took me to clean my paintbrush.

It didn't really matter, of course, since the Yankees were pretty anemic in the offense category. 4 hits all game (2 from Nix, then 1 apiece from Sneach and Stewart.)

Speaking of Stewart, I have to say that his offensive production hasn't been as OFFENSIVE as his preseason caveat claimed it would be. I think Kay took note of this, as well.

(Making this #110 in the list of ways that the Decoys are making baseball a whole new experience for me--talking about the storied Yankee line-up that inspires sheer terror, has been replced with little bubbles of pleasant surprise from the YES booth over a replacement player's better-than-terrible BA.)

Since it was the Yanks who lost and not the Rockies, the former is the team whose long-term hitting capabilities are called into question. HOWEVAH, it should be noted that the paltry 0-5 with RISP/5 LOB was only really slightly worse than 0-3 with RISP/5 LOB posted by the latter team.

And you know why else this game was kinda lackluster? Where's all the POP BANG ALAKAZAM magic of gravity-defying ball-traveling? I know this problem was allegedly solved by storing the balls in the humidor, but I feel like this is the same thing as those Pfiten bracelets. It's like "oooh ok, THAT was the problem! I just didn't have whatever aqua-metal is! Problem solved, ill-defined physical benefits and indirectly implied athleticism here I come!"

Similarly, I feel like that humidor thing is just one of those things that theoretically should solve a problem based on what we know about basic laws of physics and science. But that doesn't always end up working, as evidenced by the fact my Piften necklace AND bracelet have failed to cure my goofy grace.

(The supporting research for Pfiten was conducted by the Society for Aqua Metal Research, and the humidor data was provided by the American Association of Hitter's Ballparks.)

It was overall kind of an awkard game, punctuated by the announcement in the 4th exiling everyone in the upper deck. "All fans in the upper deck, please leave the seating area, move under cover due to lightning in the area." So you see all these people in ponchos shuffling to hang out near any viable cover that would allow them to comfortably continue watching the game.

(Kay: "Well, I'm not meterologist, but when you gotta leave the upper deck because of lightning, it's probably not a good sign, weather-wise." This was met with, "We do actually have a meterologist, Michael. Yes, we have one at the YES network--a great one!" Well, then. Thanks for answering all the questions I didn't ask.)

That was awkward, but "talk-amongst-yourselves" filler that went on on the field was even more so. I'm referring to when they had to fix the pitcher's mound that was getting wrecked by pounding rain. And a grounds crew comes running on the field (in funny shorts that made it look like he was just called away from a golf course in South Hampton), carrying a bag of dirt 

While he was doing whatever repairs needed to be done, the camera hilariously paused on Cano and the umpire standing next to him, and they looked like a blend between a first date and an elevator ride of eye-contact avoidance and facing forward and shifting. (Still doesn't beat this moment from Cano, though, in terms of awkward behavior on the field when game isn't going on. Comment from Jay was pure gold.)

And in final awkward behavior, there's De La Rosa who awkardly held the Yanks to no runs and who awkwardly expressed concern in the post-game that he was admittedly scared during the game of getting knocked unconscious by a hit in the head with a line-drive. Life's a scary journey, Jorge. It's very brave of you to take the mound and face such risks with every start.

(Yeah, I get it. Happ, etc. Sweet Christ, the fans had to leave the game because of the rampant electrcitiy flying through the sky and striking down. Let's agree that the only thing that anyone legitimately has a reason to fear in life is the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. That, and accidentally typing someone's name in the "status" field instead of the "search" field when doing some light internet/facebook stalking.)

So it's back to Coors Canaveral today, with Phelps pitching against Nicasio, which is a name I have never heard of before in my life. So..I can't even hazard a guess in terms of a game preview. I will predict the Yankees win, though. Because they are the Yankees.

(Which is a fact that I think has been slowly but surely escaping Girardi. Seriously. Every day his postgame interview is more like, "I have NO idea what is going on. I'm not kidding.")

Well, um, just don't lose and no one cares how concussed you may or may not be acting.