"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Everything was very tense.

It reminded me of this time a few years ago, when I was at my boyfriend-at-the-time's parent's place. Me and the bf were in some kind of cold war, I could tell he was mad at me, I just wasn't sure what for, and there's only so many times I can say, "What the f is your problem" under my breath with the parents 15 ft away.

It was Easter Sunday, and his mom decided to put on the Sopranos, which was so endearingly hysterical. His parents were straight off the boat from Ireland, and I think she had just assumed that her son's gf, with her last name being "Pollina" and all, would be into this kind of thing. The same way my mom always assumed my bf would be singing Celtic songs and trolling for shamrocks or something.

So that's the level of tension that was last night's game. Watching the Sopranos on Easter Sunday with my inexplicably irritated bf, and his parents. Watching Tony Soprano engage in inappropriate activities with his wife. Bullets have left guns slower than I left that house.

From the get go of this game, things were antagonistic. Bonderman drilled GGBG with the first pitch, in a seeming act of retaliation after GGBG broke up a double play the night before. (When did guys become the new chicks?? How does he even still remember anything that happened in the game prior? If I didn't still have half the peanut butter on a hot dog bun left on my desk, I wouldn't even remember what I ate for breakfast.)

Home plate ump issues a warning. Sigh. Takes the bullet out of our chamber. So I thought, anyway.

As I have always understood it, when the ump issues a warning, ANY TIME a pitcher hits another player, intentional or not, he gets thrown out. And I always thought this was insanely stupid and unfair, with the same zeal that most people feel about NFL overtime procedure. I think the warning-benches-practice is infinitely worse than the whoever-scores-first-wins rule. It's not THAT EASY to get the ball within field goal range. It IS that easy to let a pitch accidentally get away from you.

But last night demonstrated that I actually have misunderstood this warning practice for all these years.

Later on in the game, Gaudin beans Cabrera to start the 8th. No ejection. Leyland goes into an apoplectic fit.

I'm still not sure I understand. I mean, it looked from where I was sitting that it was an accident, just based on the way Gaudin immediately looked at his errant hand. I do that too instinctively, when I make a crappy throw (ok, crappier than normal throw). As if to say, "What were you THINKING, Right Hand? God, I'm sorry guys, I'm so embarrassed by his behavior."

I don't think guys are good enough liars (as a rule), and I certainly don't think Gaudin would have done something that would have gotten him tossed (or should have gotten him tossed, anyway).

I love Girardi's comment after the game, which was something like, "You guys know how I manage my bullpen. You really think I'd waste a pitcher with the way I'm so careful with using my relievers?"

Ha, well played, G.

But here's the thing. When Gaudin didn't get tossed, is that basically saying that it's not automatic? It's at the umps discretion? If you REALLY don't look like you're doing it on purpose, you get a mulligan? Who can really say if it's on purpose or not?

And if that's the stipulation, then what the hell does "issuing a warning to both benches" even mean? Is it just a fancy way of saying, "I've got my eyes on youse hellions!"

My coworker Joe K just walked in and informed me that, indeed, that's exactly what it is. "I think the point is to make sure the game just doesn't get out of hand."

Yeah, that didn't really work out so well now, did it?

Dustin Moseley had his usual outing, and I'm thinking that he is possibly the most generic pitcher I've ever seen in my life. It's like how last year every single time Gaudin pitched the Yankees ended up winning. Made none sense.

Moseley seems to have the personality (pitching-wise) of a shower rod. He gave us his stock line score, which he basically just copies and pastes from game to game: 5 hits, 4 runs, 3 dings. And he got the win. Good job, kid. Sort of.

A lot of blasts in this game: Tex, Cano, Grandy... and 2 from Cabrera, 1 from Kelly. Also, Leyland is a freaking lunatic. He eventually got tossed for refusing to cease and desist with this grumbling about the Gaudin HBP.

Everyone on the Yanks got hits except for Jeter and Posada. Kearns listlessly hit a long deep shot that ended up a ground rule double, scoring 2. Pena tripled. GGBG doubled. Look at all these extra base hits! Just as sometimes the Yanks play worse than the score indicates, I think this is a case of them playing BETTER than it indicated.

And it was a 9-5 game, so I guess what I mean is that a lot of the offensive power and base running agility was overshadowed by the fact everyone was in Watching The Sopranos With Your Cranky BF's Parents Tension Mode.

The Sox and Rays also ended up winning, so no change in the standings.

But things change. The Yanks are playing like blue collar boys now. Like millionaires who lost their fortunes (NOT LITERALLY) and who have to get by on their wits. Like some kind of MLB version of The Apprentice.

Thank God 99% of my readers are Yankee fans, because I would UNDOUBTEDLY get ripped apart for that last line. I'm brave, I can take it.

Speaking of Brave, I'll leave with this:

Thoughts?