"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Loss.

I dated a guy like 7 years ago who was a big Yankee fan, and we started dating right before the season ended (as is usually the case). In the nascent stages of our relationship, we went to go watch what ended up being the final game of the Yankees' season.

I wasn't 100% comfortable with watching an elimination game with some guy I was really into, because I was pretty sure it would be over as soon as it began if he saw how I acted in the first moments of the off-season.

But I did it. And what's worse, he wanted to watch it at the Riviera Cafe--a known Red Socks bar. And what's even worse than THAT was that the Yankees almost got perfect gamed by Kenny F'n Rogers, in his 67 year old glory.

I couldn't watch. It was physically painful. And I remember all of us Yankee fans pleading with him to leave the bar, so we wouldn't have to watch Detroit celebrating their big win over the Yanks, and so we wouldn't have to watch the Boston fans celebrate their big win over Yankee fans.

"Why would you want to leave? This is the last time we get to see the Yankees play baseball for another 5 months. I don't care if they're playing like shit. It's Yankee baseball, and I want to see them play."

Yeah, that sounds so poetic and all, and would make any diehard fan feel the same way an employee feels when someone says a meeting is "optional. It's up to you if you want to attend."

Anyways, I don't care how overtly devout he was, nor did I care that it may detract from any "fan credibility" I might have. Some games are just stupid, and as my mom famously said, Life’s too short to do the things you don’t want to do if you don’t have to do them, unless you have to do them, in which case, do them."

This was a stupid game. Of course I watched it, but unlike the profound if somewhat melodramatic ex, I didn't enjoy it. I don't  enjoy all Yankee baseball. This was one of those games.

And there are some games when the Yankees lose a crushing one, or get blown out, or any of these famed levels of loss. I've already cited the losses I've loved. But this game? Stupid.

It's not a winning/losing thing. It's a "blech" thing. Like this game should have had one of these on it:

Mr Yuk stickers. Would be kind of funny to use these as wedding invite envelope sealers, yeah?

This wasn't a Decoy game.

My favorite Decoys didn't show up, and instead it was the Granderson Almost Cycling Game.

Preston Claiborne gave up his first run ever (a ding to Wieters.)

Kuroda got hit with a line drive AGAIN, and had to be taken out in the 3rd.

He also gave up about 203 hits in the 2 innings he pitched, and basically like 85 of them were homeruns.

I don't know exact number, I think I remember announcer talking about the homeruns between both teams in this series, and it was upwards of 15 maybe?

OH, ALSO! The Baltimore Orioles consider themselves a division rival with the Yankees. There are 5 teams in the AL East, and Orioles are back 3 games. Tampa, 4 games. Toronto 9, and Boston nipping at our heels like the annoying bitches that they are, back half a game.

And that apparently makes the Os and the Yankees rivals. Stop trying to position yourself as relevant!

Actually, it's kind of funny. Or ironic, maybe, but I feel like I still haven't quite actually grasped the real definition of "irony." (That and "sublime.")

But ironic in the sense that Boston/NY fans will every now and then go into extended periods of eye rolling at the mention of the Greatest Rivalry in Sports.

And here's Baltimore, who would KILL to have be in a rivalry. They probably look at us and Boston fans thinking, "They don't even appreciate what they have!"

Ehh, maybe we can set you up with our friend, Baltimore? I mean, we know this nice team in Florida that's available. Pretty cute. They just started the whole online Rivalry.com thing, but I'm pretty sure they'd be into meeting you for a game, if you're interested?

The only thing I really liked about this game was the new kid hitting his 2nd bomb in 3 games. Every time a rookie is doing well, I can't help but imagine their parents watching the game and going crazy with pride and excitement. Congrats, Mr and Mrs Adams. Your kid is KATN-ing.

Cano singled in a run, Grandy's swing looked basically 400x better than it has in the last week.

As for our DIVISION RIVALS: no small ball for this group!

(Yeah, how come no one gets on THEIR case for the long ball? The Yankees win by going yard, and they're a bunch of overpaid useless roiders who are headed for an inevitable implosion/degeneration. Any other team does it, and it's wow! Isn't that refreshing? To see the little guys displaying all that power?)

Whatever. Markakis, Davis, and Wieters all took our pitchers deep. How unorginal is that? See, this is why this was such a stupid game to watch. Nothing interesting happened. One of the great things about baseball is that every single game is insanely unique.

(STOP. I know you're saying, yeah every sport is like that. No. Not like baseball, anyway. Tell me that the 2008 and 2012 Super Bowls weren't the same game, and then you can take your case to the DA.)

And this game wasn't unique. It wasn't a carbon copy of another game, per se, but it was unoriginal. Show me something good.

I guess if a 6-3 loss at the hands of Fake Hammel is all you can give me, then I'll take it. But only because I'll finish a book whether I like it or not. And I'll do the same for this kind of mumbo jumbo.

Yankees are off Thursday, and then back on Friday for a mega week of media bonanza fun. Our other DIVISION RIVALS are hosting us in Tampa. Then 4 games against our local rivals and little bros, the Mets. Then a weekend with the Socks.

(FYI, I'll be in Chicago starting Wednesday for ASCO, so my coverage may be spotty at best...I was going to say "in remission at worst" but you'll be happy to know even I have my limits.)

To sum up: I hope it thunderstorms like crazy tomorrow. If I can't watch baseball then I want a shitload of lightening.

See you on Friday!