"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Ya know, I wasn't really expecting anything from Pettite this year. I think I was so drunk off the new talent than I completely forgot that he's a legit arm. (Ah, the story of the franchise's life--assigning so much importance to "trendy" players that the inimitable value of old-fashioned homegrown skill is forgotten.)

What the box score doesn't communicate is that the boys were roping the balls all over the field. Everyone got on base. Even Matsui went 2-3. Brett Gardner is becoming an actual baseball player. I think before I was just looking at him like his was a non-roster invitee who they kept around to pinch run. But he can actually get on base now. He looks like a less sinister, more salubrious version of Dustin Pedroia.

So when everyone on the team is going 2-4, 3-5, 2-3 etc etc, and there's STILL 10 runners stranded in the game, it's time to rethink the lineup. Something else they might want to rethink is putting Cody "Defensive Nightmare" Ransom on third. Seriously, isn't there anyone else they have scampering around that they can stick there? He can't hit, he can't field. I don't know if A-Rod's cursed, but I know he's a fielding magnet. Plus his BA is a touch better than Ransom's. I'm just as superstitious as the next guy, but I'd rather have a potentially cursed guy on the team who has a breathtaking swing and immaculate fielding history, than a 3B that makes you wonder if he's getting paid to be this bad.

Posada should NOT be batting cleanup. Nor should Cano be so far down in the order. Give the kid more AB's, he's the best hitter on the team right now. Damon, Jeter, Cano, Teix, Swisher, Posada, Gardner, Matsui, Ransom. Have we tried that yet? I wish Girardi took audience requests. And I HATE when people purport to know what's right for the team, obviously Torre had his reasons for doing things the way he did, and he somehow managed to make his way into the postseason every year. But isn't it a no brainer that when the team's getting on base but not moving, that it's time to rearange some things?

During my own DL stint, I've exhausted every youtube video ever in addition to solving that pesky "Why are there so many homeruns in GNH*?" (Pending projects include nailing down exactly what Audrina Patridge looks like, and finding an alternate expression for "Is the Pope Catholic/does a bear shit in the woods?")

In the Daily News, meterologists weighed in on what they thought was contributing the ding derby in the Bronx. (This really sounds like something more in the Post's wheelhouse...) The gist of the analysis is that it has to do with different wind currents than the previous stadium. Psh. No.

The Beirut-Stadium Theorem
By Kris Pollina


Which one of the above cups is most likely to get hit with a ping pong ball?

I don't know what the scientific support for this is, but the answer would be the 3rd cup, aka the most full one. Maybe it's not scientific so much as it is Murphy's Law (for the other team, anyway).

Now look at these pictures:




The answer would be the 3rd picture, aka the empty stadium. But since games aren't played in empty stadiums, the next right answer would be the middle image, aka GNH. I can't believe this super arena can't even fill the seats in its first year alive. So ridiculous. The whole reason they were making this place was to be able to house more luxury boxes and hence turn a bigger profit. I'm very interested to see what the numbers will look like between this year and last.

So there it is. If you want to end the neck cramps of every Bronx fielder, and the pain of every fan who has to toss back the visitor's long ball, then sell out the seats. Which, of course, is essentially impossible since no one has any money.

This isn't hard to remedy either. Fill up every empty seat with a sandbag. Or cadaver. Nothing ups the retail value of something like a lifeless corpse integrated into its composition...

...as the old saying goes.




*Greatness's New Home