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Or the less grainy version that I can't figure out how to embed. Baby steps. Embeddy steps?

"We FEEL if that the Yankees play error-free ball tonight, that they'll set a new major league record. That's what we FEEL." --John Sterling

So is the Elias Sports Bureau striking or something? Maybe because they refuse to aid and abet the extraordinary lengths Sterling's going to to jinx this record bid.

I adore the Yankees announcers. Adore them. But I wouldn't mind watching this one on the tube.

"Nick Swisher is in right field surrounded by seagulls. He's just trying to figure out what the do because, well, there's 30 seagulls." --Waldman

Never a dull moment in Progressive.


So I got to watch the from the bottom of the 6th inning, and as I walked into my apartment, moments before I turn on the tv, the following exchange occurs:

Ugly, ugly top of the 6th...

(I don't know how I thought this could have been some offensive explosion that would mean a 7 run deficit or something, since it was the top of the inning. So I panicked. Until I saw it was still 1-1...)

What what?? What happened?? (Maybe bugs did something gross.)

3 walks in a row. reliever comes in. arod k, posada groundout, cano
lineout. no runs.

I just threw up in my mouth.

I actually thought I wasn't watching the game live when I saw the same thing happen in the 7th. Except the difference this time was Swisher's 2-run double that broke the tie. (There ya go, buddy!! This is the beginning of the end of your slump. Got it out of your system early. Good move.)

Arod contributed a 2-run single, and Gardner scored on runner-advancing Swisher double-play.

But the real story of the night was of course "Jobaloba" as Sterling interestingly called him.

I've never seen his pitches look so good. This was the strongest case he's EVER made for his role as a starter over a reliever. 8 innings and allowed only 2 runs. Longest outing of his career, due largely to his dramatically economical pitches-per-inning. In the first, it looked (sounded) like he was reverting to form, aka shaky in the first, settled down by the 3rd. But he was tentative at worst for the 1st inning, and from there on, he started throwing more and more 1st pitch strikes, and managed to only deal 106 pitches. That's exactly what we need out of him.

Something that isn't necessarily in his job description but is much appreciated anyway is his insistence on playing like there's an NFL scout in the stands. Most pitchers act like, as my sister said, quarterbacks--terrified of anything that comes within a 10 foot striking distance of body contact. Joba, on the other hand, acts like his arm isn't a $432,575 treasure, and turns into Leland Van Lew in Along Came Polly eveytime he's faced with a defensive opportunity. Last year he covers homeplate and barrels down the runner, giving new meaning to "protecting the plate." This year, his 235 pounds hovered in the air Matrix style as he made a diving catch then spun around on the ground to get the double play out at 2nd. Stunning.

A stunning play that he capitalized on with A FIST PUMP. Take that and rewind it back.

And his pitching wasn't half bad either.

And if you were worried about the seagulls, who served as a barometer for the entire game really, "Swisher's double cleared them out for sure."

With that win, the Yankees now have the record for the longest STREAK without errors, dethroning the reigning title in that field held by the Sux. (That seems to be happening a lot lately, huh. Just saying.)

I'm relieved they got safely to the 18 mark, because every time I saw a hit, my stomach bounced into my throat like there's a freaking trampoline embedded in my gut. But now that they officially surpassed the record, I'll be a little less uneasy when I see any weak dink hit that runs the risk of being bobbled by a nervous fielder.

They got the win despite Girardi's Rachel Phelps-like sabotaging. Yesterday he puts in Bullpen Melba Toast in the 9th, today he tells Ramiro Pena to bunt with 2 strikes after the pitcher had just walked 23 batters in a row. Tomorrow he'll probably have Hideki starting on the mound.

In non-Yankees news:

Why is the Manny Ramirez All-Star Game issue even remotely a story? Is it really news-worthy that Manny is 5th in the voting? Why should he be in the ASG game again? Because of how consistent he's been throughout the Dodgers' power run to the top of the standings? Or...because of how well he didn't break the rules? Or because of how much there are no other deserving outfielders who have actually been playing and who haven't broken a league rule? I'm not sure.

In non-baseball news:

Are you kidding me with this? Seriously.

The Los Angeles Times reported Dr. Neal ElAttrache said Brady "even exceeded that I thought he was going to be able to do, and I was expecting big things from him."

ElAttrache said: "Let's face it, guys that are athletes like him, they're strung together different. By and large, they follow the same biologic rules as the rest of us. However, they're able to do things with their neuromuscular control and their strength gains and how they respond to exercise a little bit differently."

"With regard to his recovery of strength, I've never seen anything quite like it," ElAttrache said to the Times. "With an average person, it would have taken probably twice as long to get range of motion and strength back."

Okay, Brady tore his ACL around the same time that television sets became colorized. He got his range of motion back now and they're acting like he just ran the NYC Marathon without legs. I tore my ACL in November and walked around on it like that for 5 months before getting surgery. He couldn't even walk off the field. I had surgery in April and I've been walking for 2 weeks. So I think Dr. El Trash needs to revise his parameters for what constitutes an "average person" because by his standards I should be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Not only is Brady not extraordinary for recovering at the speed of a wind-up toy, but he's actually a bit of a demented bitch for taking so Goddamn long to even walk on 2 legs. But, way to be completely unapologetically gay for a pathetic loser, ESPN!

And juxtaposed to this story is a jubilant narration of how the Giants are DONE this year without a #1 WR! What do the words "wishful thinking" mean to ESPN? Who can say, really.

And my favorite story of the night has 100% given me a vested interest in supporting the LA Lakers in the Finals:

"The games I played well (against the Denver Nuggets in the Western Conference Finals) were the games where I ate candy for breakfast," smiled Odom. "I guess he's wrong. Even though, I mean, he's a doctor. Doctors are usually always right."

THANK YOU, LAMAR ODOM. FINALLY, someone else can appreciate the unassailable virtue of eating sour candy for breakfast and sometimes dinner. Why is this a big deal? Just because I like to hoard gummy bears and sour worms and the like, doesn't mean I'm an elf. I know what I'm doing. Am I any good? Meet me under the boards and you'll find out.


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