"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

So it's back to listening to the game on the radio at the office. I woke up this morning at 10 and had the standard weekend-delirium-kneejerk sensation of being late for work. Then the requisite subsequent relief that it was a Sunday. But this Sunday morning, it was followed up with, "SHIT, I DO have to go to work." Sigh. So here we are.

Sterling spent about a good hour mired in a very determined and very desperate campaign to will the Yankees to get an error. I wish I had DVR on the radio so I could go ahead and count the actual number of times he mentioned the Yankees' error-free streak. MAYBE he's going the reverse psychology root. Beat the concept to death and fate just gets confused as to how it's supposed to field it. (No pun intended. Really.)

Carl Pavano. Not a fan of this guy's work. For a couple reasons, but imminently the reason is that he is somehow stumping the Yankees' bat while we're trailing 3-0. But then there are the obvious, basic reasons centered on his injury-riddled tenure in NY, where he pitched about the same number of innings as Angelica Houston. And in terms of those innings he did pitch, his ERA was fatter than CC. And just to supplement all this boiling contempt for Pavano, he's a douche. (From an article I wrote for my dad on Father's Day a few years ago:)

I gave away my Boston/Yankees tickets a few weeks ago in favor of watching the dismal 17-2 rout on television, exchanging expletive-ridden commentaries with my dad sitting right beside me. When I was watching the Twins game with him the following week, I told him about how I had run into Carl Pavano at a New York City bar after that sad loss, and how I had pointed him out to my little sister who then walked right up to him.

I narrated to my dad, “Yeah, she just said, `Are you Carl Pavano?’ and he just looked at her and said, `No.’ Definitely him, though.”

My dad looked over and said, “Would you admit to being Pavano if you had just given up 11 hits in one inning to the Red Sox?”

And before we could turn back to the game Pavano was currently pitching, he deadpans: “You know what? Now I hope Minnesota scores 20 runs off him.”

Moral of the story is Pavano sucks, and I'll be 100% apoplectic if we can't score 1 freaking run off him. And they're running outta time...4 innings left, but we've barely even gotten anyone on base. I think if Arod or Swisher went long, it'd spark a rally, but right now they're getting discouraged or playing like it anyway. I don't blame them. They can't catch a break. AGAINST PAVANO. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Speaking of, lunch just arrived. The only channel that works in the conference room is showing car racing.

But in the 3 minute interval that it took me to make this discovery and then return to the radio in my office, TEX GOES LONG. 4-2! We can do this. 2 runs. We just need to get on base. And stop giving away outs by swinging at everything. Pavano is throwing a ton of strikes, but that's no reason to chop away at all of them.

Oh my God. Suzyn Waldman just said:

"We got someone warming up in the bullpen, and I don't care who it is, the Yankees are just gonna be happy to see Pavano outta the game."

I never want to hear that sentence again for the rest of my life. It actually sent chills up and down my spine.

And speaking of up and down, so goes the Yankee batters in the top of the 7th. 2 innings left to get 2 runs.

Sterling and Waldman have moved on to pentrating analysis of what kinds of condiments are dancing atop the dugouts.

"John, we've just got an update. It's NOT, as we thought, ketchup, mustard, and relish. The relish, in fact, is actually Onions. Yup, onions."
"Onions? Really? I never would have thought."
"Wang has thrown 17 pitches."
"Onions?"

Wang's relieving efforts have been stronger and stronger. He has an uphill battle ahead of him to erase the stigma of losing every game he came near at the beginning of the season, and has a scarlet 34.50 branded onto his chest to remind him and everyone else of his shameful start.

Well, maybe Waldman was right. 2 runners on against the new reliever. Way to hustle, Jeter/Damon. I just got unleashed from the office, but am now sticking around to listen to remainder of game. Don't make me regret this, Yankees. I'm not gonna be a happy camper if I stay at work longer than I need to during a gorgeous 75 degree sunny day, only for you to strand the runners and have a loss against Pavano on your permanent record.

Ha, Waldman is making NO bones about Matt Herges looking every bit his age: "And man, Herges has just been around FOREVER." I guess he's MLB's new Julio Franco, who announcers were contractually obligated to remark at his every appearance: "One of the oldest in the game!"

"Herges has been just everywhere: Dodgers, Expos, Giants, Diamondbacks, Marlins, Rockies, and now the Indians. Wow." Jesus. He's played for every NL West team? He was also one of the scabs during the '94 strike. That's a little sad. He's 39 years old, been playing in the majors for 17 years, played for practically half the teams in the league, and has left no impact on the game. Once he retires, it will be as if he was never there in the first place and no one will ever say, "Oh yeah! Matt Herges! I remember him."

Well, I'll remember you, Matt Herges! And just in case, here's your career to date "immortalized" on a weird Yankee fan's blog:
AND THE YANKEES TIE THE GAME AT 4 WITH A 2-RUN DOUBLE FROM TEIXIERA. Wow. Way to take matters into your own hands, Tex. Amazing. (How relieved is A-Rod right now, that he's not coming up with RISP with the game on the line? I have faith in him, but I don't have faith in fans, and I think I would be more upset with the inevitable bus-throwing-under if he struck out, than I would be over the actual out.)

Ha, Waldman is cracking me up today. She's talking about Kerry Wood and how's the "Reliever of Record" for Cleveland... "I mean, how do record any saves here? They never win any games."

And here comes Phil Coke...

This is such a Torre move. I know it's not technically a "save" opportunity since it's tied, and you want to save Mo for extra innings, BUT THERE ARE NO EXTRA INNINGS IF SO MUCH AS ONE RUN SCORES.

Is this the best lefty you can come up? I feel like I'm watching an amateur comedian when he takes the mound--I'm nervous and tense on his behalf, because he looks so discernibly uncomfortable.

Yep, lead off walk. And Assdrooling Cabrera steps up, who's 2-4 with 2 runs and is batting behind Jhonny [sic] Peralta. Ugh. I'm having flashbacks of the Torre era of bringing in Farnsworth in the 9th who always tricked batters by throwing as hard as he could down the middle. And then like clockwork, Torre has successfully saved Mo's arm, because we never see the light of an extra inning.

Who's coming in for Coke? Robertson? Where the hell did he come from? "He has not let a man on base yet," Waldman tells us. Has he pitched to someone yet?

Lead off walk from Robertson. Check. Bullpen 101.

2nd and 3rd. 1 out. Base hit wins it. Sigh. Still at work. Sometimes listening to Yankees game while working make it ok because I think, "Well at least I'm not the only one working on the weekends."

3-1. Their fear of pitching to these batters is so painfully evident. It's the Indians. They can hit, but it's the Indians.

Base hit. Indians win. Leaving work.

(Hey, but Error-Free Game! Kim Jones gets to live, and the Yanks go for the record tomorrow. Perspective!)