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Hey, I remember this team! I remember they beat us, nay, embarrassed us in Game 1 of the World Series. Then I remember winning Game 2 at home and nearly sweeping their arrogant asses when the series went to Philly.

I remember Cliff Lee acted like he was auditioning as Josh Beckett's character clone, and then I particularly remember our old pal Petey Martinez bravely venturing into Greatness' New Home to face our old vet Pettitte.

And then I remember Hideki knocking the cowskin off the ball over and over and over. And if memory serves, I remember the Yankees celebrating their championship, christening the new field in their new home.

Yeah, that was fun.

And now, we meet again, old foes. takes the mound for the Yanks, facing the off-season's hottest topic (pre-Damon): Doc Halladay. MEDIA HYPE!!! MY FAVORITE!! (As if I need any additional catalysts to propel me into illogical fits of excitement.)

I'd really like to see some loud, scary, graphics developed for this occasion. Get some WWF-type voice-over to bark the specs of the game:


This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Fatso, unfortunately, doesn't exactly share my enthusiasm:

Sabathia said that he didn't expect any added sizzle to the game, joking that he'd be in the dugout "eating seeds and goofing off" while Halladay works.

Eating seeds? Really, CC? I'm gonna go ahead and theorize that the only time you've ever dined on seeds was when you and your family were taking a road trip, you stopped for bagels, and after eating 6 and realizing you were still hungry but your wife wouldn't let you stop again until you reached Legoland, so you ate the sesame seeds off the dashboard.

So while CC's eating "seeds" in the dugout, looney tunes everywhere will be praying for a rivalry to emerge between him and Utley.

Reporters were even asking him if he "had a score to settle."

I would have donated my lungs to see CC respond with something like, "DO I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE?? DO I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE?? You're Goddamn right I do. This shit's for serious now. I ain't playing around. Homey better check himself before he wrecks himself today. If you see that mofo, you tell him, CC SAYS HI. He'll know what it means."

It should be interesting to see the B-listers fare against the terrifying I-have-more-kinds-of-pitches-than-a-15-year-old-girl-has-ringtones Halladay. No Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez or Mark Teixeira on this trip. As of noon, the lineup looks like:

Gardner, CF
Johnson, DH
Posada, C
Cano, 2B
Swisher, RF
Winn, LF
Miranda, 1B
Pena, SS
Laird, 3B

Why does Randy Winn seem so so so out of place?

Well, I hope they all tee off on Halladay, so I can listen to everyone and their mother collectively roll their eyes and scoff at me, sputtering how this doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, whatever, you guys are just ants at a picnic and have been hanging out around too many New Englanders who have brainwashed you with their cultish tenets of "How to Avoid Ever Being Truly Content."

Can I please be left to the illusion that these games are super important? I'd like to reach a deal with the prosecution: I'll plead insanity, you bequeath leniency.

41 more minutes til EXHIBITION DEMOLITION! WOOHOO. I really think people are forgetting what the true meaning of the word "exhibition." As evidenced by the egregious absence of pie yesterday.

I was talking to Matt last night, and decided that if AJ didn't deem spring training pie-worthy, then he at least should employ some kind of smaller scale equivalent. Like throwing Starbursts at game-winners. Or shove a Fig Newton down their throats.

You know, just something to let us know the spirit of the walk-0ff is still revered.


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