"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

I feel like Geena Davis in that movie "Hero" when she gets saved from the burning plane by the anonymous good samaritan.

I've been gone for a few days, missed the only game recaps I ever have since the inception of this blog, due to the passing of Nana.

So, thank you times a million, Guest Reporter. I owe you big time, and not just because you took it upon to help me so much like this, but also because your biting Sux analysis handed me my first smiles of the day. Thank you, kind Yankee fan...

So without furter adoing...

ANONYMOUS COVERS THE SOCKS

So the following is an extra long ‘guest’ recap done for CYC because she has been busy all weekend helping her family deal with the loss of her Nana. God Bless, CYC, and may your grandmother rest in peace knowing how much she was loved by her daughter and granddaughters. So here goes. Hope I do you justice.

Any weekend where Lance “ I am not so sure I can do this yankee thing” Berkman almost kills Arod because of JOE BUCK??? (Investigation?) …and Boston is in town cant be good.

OK, so as this is a ‘guest’ recap, it will not have the same flare or passion, good grammar and spelling that you are used to, I don’t have all the same nicknames, nor do I have the utmost love for Arod.. but he’s still great…and he’s ours, so ok. With apologies, its a bit too much more like Bill Simmons would do it, just not nearly as good. Anyway, that’s the way its gonna be. Sorry, but you still get unconditional love of the pinstripes.

There will be much commentary on announcers being that I do not have a press pass or tickets to the game, and must listen to John Miller and Joe Morgan. With all due respect to Oral Hirschieiser, he’s invisible…or inaudible…so I will ignore him. (editors note: this proved to be entertainingly untrue)

I don’t know why, but except for his pronunciation schtick, I think Miller is good, but on Sunday night games, he panders to Morgan, who hates that the Yanks are better than his beloved BIG RED MACHINE. He’s gotten better about it, but still needs a bit of therapy in order to have the breakthrough. Obvious, but I had to point it out.

An unfortunate surprise: AJ will not start due to back spasms. Troubling, however, if it’s not a typical Yankee injury cover-up, then we will see him soon, with no ill effects. Just wanted to see him out-duel Beckett again.

The more troubling part is that we will have to roll the dice with Moseley. The jury Is still out. I do like the ole “he didn’t know he was starting, so he’s not nervous” deal. It seems to work.

For example: inning 1…
First Batter Ellsbury– who smelled of elderberry…or was a hamster.

Oh what a play by Moseley! One handed grab. Should we stop this now?
Next: Marco Scutaro. I hate him.

Oh, what do we have here? Sit down shorty. A big K for you.

Three Spot: Papi. Who I respect, fear and want to call fat but don’t have the nerve…well not to his face.

Tex makes a sweet recovery and flips it to Dustin, my man, covering. Ha! Papi is fat.

Wow. Impressive start to a surprise start by an unexpected starter….uhmm..starting.

TV Announcer aside, number one: Joe Morgan is in the Hall of Fame.

Why does he have to make S*#% up? “The Yankees are not living up to their potential…but they’re still an excellent ballclub?” They have the best record in baseball. Cheez.

“Robinson Cano hit 400 in April…but it’s a different game, Ted Williams and Joe Dimaggio faced the same pitcher in the same game a lot…”

Jorge is in today. That makes us happy. We are not the same without him. Muddy helmet and all.

The great Ellsbury is not impressing.

Beckett. I hate him. I want to call him fat but I don’t have the nerve.

ARod’s quest for 601 continues, but all agree that once he hits it, he will go on a tear.

Inning one ends with stupid announcers talking about Tony Gwynn…no, really…Tony Gwynn. (fat)

Swish is one of the best players on the Yanks. He benefits because, I do think the expectations are low, but he delivers with amazing consistency. Tonight’s robbery of Adrian “bel-TREEY’s” not-a-homer in the second is typical. He makes countless plays out in right, an its always a surprise.

Like when he hits in the clutch or cracks one into the bleachers. (there is one particular person in the bleachers I want one of these balls to hit Berkman-at-Alex-BP style, but in the head…nothing life-threatening, mind you, in fact, it might improve her IQ and intellect, therefore her life in general…I digress, and she will remain un-named. Bad karma. I will withdraw it and just call her fat.)

Derek just passed Babe Ruth in lifetime hits. (Ribbie single.)

Read that one again.

You just can’t find an excuse, a drip of any nanospot of anything unimpressive about this.

I’ve been told that there are some haters who read this blog. If you find fault with this guy, you have issues and may be fat. Not that that’s a bad thing. Get some therapy.

When the stadium goes into the DJ chant... well, the Sox just don’t have anything like that.
Nobody does. Haha. When you need him, he’s there. No disrespect to ARod, favorite of your usual reporter, but there’s only one Derek. If you see another like him, well…you won’t.

The Yanks are hitting Beckett. Is this unusual? No, no its not. 8 hits after 3 with a 2-zip lead.

The great Moseley is rolling…and Suzyn..if he continues on this way, allowing no hits for just SIX more innings, he will have himself a shutout…and wouldn’t THAT be something!?..

YEESSHHH JAHHHN! That would!

Oh you can never figure baseball…oh what a game!! Now I will sing a show tune from the 40s!

Robby Cano is too smooth. Dustin gets out of his first jam in the fourth. So far so good.

Just keep us away from Chan Ho and we can do this.

We will now be subjected to an interview with Terry “Tito” Francona. Who is hard to dislike, but we will. He just spit the largest stream of something out onto the dugout floor when the camera cut to him. Classy. And he called Dustin Pedroia a pain in the a$$ on national TV. Which is illegal in some nations. (Hey, this blog has so many Dustins in it)

Now Morgan is talking about how you have to follow doctors orders if you want to recover from injuries. Rest assured, Pedroia is running, and taking fielding practice. It seems that this is a good way to get back into playing shape.

Seriously, how does a guy named Bill Hall hit a home run. Is he related to Mel Hall? I want to know.

Joe M: “you don’t want a curve on the inner third” thanks, joe
Orel: “ he used his full load on the back foot” ..uhhh nevermind, I will continue to ignore Orel as I can.

A Text message to right field!!! Oh you’re on the MARK Texieira!!!

What a moron.

OH Jaaaahn!!!

I really hate the Red Sox, and I hope you do too.

Arod still stuck at 600…walks

OK, Beckett just pegged Cano. When does this stop?

When did it start?

Or probably earlier in the history of this thing, but if you check out the beginning, Yankee legend Graig Nettles beats the snot out of Bill ‘the spaceman’ Lee. Who was an idiot when he played us. Awesome. I would now bring in Joba for one batter and do a double switch and put back Moseley after Joba pegs the next Ded Sock he sees. Jerks.

Joe M: “Josh Beckett looks Josh-Beckett-like to me”
Orel: “he’s back on the
horse”…uhh, I’m trying, really.
Miller: “this threat is starting to become
ACUTE” okaaaay

Ahhh. Another K for Jorgie. But we still love Jorgie….

Dont we, Suzyn? Oh what a game! How do you top it? I mean, here’s Posada, and he strikes out!

Lance Berkman doubles to score the Arod in effort to continue his now lifelong apology

Wait….a revelation…Red Sox…Red Socks…I get it! Dang. Think of all the money they saved over the years by not using TWO letters. If they only knew this was going to happen, maybe they wouldn’t have dumped that clubhouse disrupting pitcher back in 1919 to save cash…

So its time to take advantage of the “Grady Little” decision to keep Beckett in the game. In classic sock fashion, Cano gets clocked on the head by a stupid catcher pickoff throw to third…nice.

OH Derek hits a double…against Boston…against Beckett…the Surging sox..really, how can anyone ever say a bad thing about this dude. Well, except for these two:

EL CAPITAN!!! OH Jawwwnnn…that was so Jetarian!! You just cant figure this game, here’s Beckett, I mean one of the best in the game and the Yankees are just killing him, I mean KILLING him…

Ugh.

7-1. 5th inning.. Goodbye living legend, Josh. Hello Boston Sux (saving letters) chants....

You gotta love these guys. They just lose and lose and are always back for more. It’s like watching Seinfeld reruns… I mean, I know the ending. But I watch anyway.

To paraphrase the famous owner of the Yanks from the 20s, Jacob Ruppert, “a great day at the ballpark is when we get out to a 10-0 lead and then slowly pull away.”

Joe M: “I bet Moseley was the best hitter on his high school team” huh?
Joe M: “He’s the real deal” get carried away much?

If Brett Gardner was a car, he would be…well a really fast car. Uh oh, Girardi and Gino saw something in Dustin’s windup…sigh. Now they are bringing in the oldest man in baseball…Ladies and gentlemen…Mike Lowell, part of the aforementioned Babe Ruth trade.

Soooo, this means that we bring in Joba to face one of the worst Yankee killers in history? Who has a .438 career avg. vs. Joba?? Waitwaitwaitwait…unless you are doing my Cano revenge plan, this smells trouble.

Yes. It’s trouble. Infield hit by a hundred year old man. 7-2 And please let’s mess with Joba’s head some more, it’s only the seventh inning. Boone warming up. I don’t feel warm. But I am prescient. Really fast car Brett makes a nice catch for the second out.

Conspiracy Theory: ESPN may want Joe to warm up Chan Ho and get the Socks (wasting letters) to tie the game, then have Marcus Thames (Timms) win it in the 11th, so that we can sell the game to YES at a higher price, and have more programming for Yankee Classics.

Just so you know, Juan Pablo Montoya won the Nascar Sprint Cup race today at Watkins Glen.

”To come out and get the job done
the way we did, it was big. I feel more
relieved than happy right now.”
-Juan Montoya

Joba walks the bases loaded to face well, nobody because we are bringing in the Booner. C’mon, Joe, it was just a theory.

Joe M: “anyone at bat, well, they can be thrown out the window”
Joe M: “if you are a lefty and don’t have a curveball, you are a righty”
Miller: “it’s fouled off…the runners will have to go back”

Ha. No worries. The Booner induces a grounder to get Ortiz. Didn’t he used to hit homers? Old sux (savn lttrs, Papi) Aerial coverage provided by DirecTV. Just so you know.

How is it that the only red socks worn by the boston team is a patch on their shoulders?

Man like a nine pitch inning for Logan! Wow.

Hope you never see this movie, even by accident.

Derek 3RBIs today. He’s only not great when he’s hurt, and he won’t sit when he’s hurt. So you might think it’s a slump. But it’s probably like a collapsed lung or something.

So I get it. The team doesn’t have the numbers it had last year.

They are the best team in baseball, but they haven’t gotten started! Cheez.

It’s going to be hard to sleep if they are not putting in Mo. But we’ll take Robertson if he gets the win.

Just seeing Mo in the game makes me sleepy, knowing that it’s over. Pena comes in for Arod…stuck at 600…hope the press leaves him alone. And Joe Buck, too.

I know! Let’s talk about Pena and say how great he is as a defensive replacement so he can get an error! Jerks.

Orel: “what would it like to be Jeter and know that you will have a monument someday?”
Miller: “this is not a rulebook save opportunity, but it’s a managers save opportunity”

Soon we will be hearing Metallica, I believe. Can’t anybody do this relief thing right?

I’m switching to SAP so I can listen in Spanish. It’s much more melodic and they don’t say anything nearly as stupid as these guys…I don’t think.

Enter Sandman…getting drowsy…but of course…SCUTARO.

But of course….game over. One Pitch.

Now I hear Sinatra. As CYC would say, “cool.”

Chevrolet Player of the game: Dustin Moseley. He is not fat..great job.

Loser of the game: Josh Beckett. He is.

Most missed Blogger of the day: CYC, who you will have back soon (and there was much rejoicing!)

Good Night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

-Guest Reporter.