"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

TORONTO -- Bartolo Colon put his best foot forward in his first start with the New York Yankees, and wanted something to remember the occasion.

Colon pitched into the seventh inning to earn his first win in two years and the Yankees beat the Toronto Blue Jays 6-2 on Wednesday night.

"It's very special for me," Colon said through a translator. "The shoes that I wore today, I'm going to keep them as a memory."

Ha, that's pretty hilarious. My sister and I like to commemorate big events with a new pair of shoes (I think she actually just implemented this tradition as a means of getting me to don footwear beyond Sambas). It's just funny that a big leaguer is doing this. So weird, in fact, that I'm wondering if his translator misheard him say "zafato" which would mean something to the effect of "The craziness of today, I'm going to keep it as a memory."

I'd like to assume that's what he meant, instead of shoes.

So, yeah, Colon. CC aka Tubbo.com is FAT. Colon, however, is allergic. That's the only explanation I can come up with to explain why his face looks fatter than Round Boy. Seriously, he looks like how I did my last day of vacation. I'm like fatally allergic to some spice in Indian and Thai and Mexican food, it could make me go into anaphylactic shock if I eat even a moderate amount of it. But I guess I just had a pinch of it or something, since I woke up like this:
(Yeah, I know. I don't why I'm still single either.)

Ok, now compare to this:
The resemblance is nothing short of uncanny.

That said, Something Sort of Grandish homered AGAIN. Last year he had 24 homeruns all season. This year he has around 89 so far. No complaints here, since he's a starter on fantasy roster Las Crisis Nerviosas (also, a starter for the Yankees, so..double bonus.)

The Yanks already have 30 dings and the first month of baseball hasn't even finished yet.

The Pitching Machines were stellar last night, not only was the Allergy in top notch form (7Ks, 2BBs, 2 runs in little over 6IP), but the relief that we cobbled together was equally solid. D-Rob again was brilliant, Logan was unnoticeable which is pretty much what I hope to get out of him, and Lance Pendleton...well, nothing he can do can escape the eclipse of how f'n awesome his name is. He sounds like he should be writing scrolls with feather pens, and saying words like "whilst" and "shant." Instead, he pitches (1 hit, 1 BB, 0 runs.) Soriano gets the save.

The Jays tried to stage some sort of rally, but the magic from the game prior wasn't there. They got 1 back in the 7th, but then screwed it up. They have 1 out with runners on 1st and 2nd. Snider ropes one to the outfield (and sadly, refrains from snapping his bat in exuberance). Encarnacion stops at 3rd (good move). Arenciba rounds 2nd (bad move) and he's tagged out by Tex (who went 3-5 on the day, in other news.)

That was some bizarro hybrid of Mets-Anaheim-esque decision making. But I'll take it.

Yanks win 6-2, retain the best record in the AL East (though the Injuns have the best in the league?? Confusing. Also, temporary). And while all this is going on, the Rangers (of the NHL persuasion) are busy squandering a 3-0 lead to Ovechkin et al in a 2OT playoff loss.

It's good to be a Yankee fan.