"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

I had actuallly originally wrote "An Auswishious start." You know, like Swish and Auspicious blended together. But I thought it sounded a little too Third-Reich-y, etc.

Third Reich sounds like Third Strike though, so we're full circle and right back in the more wholesome world of baseball.

What a weird game it was last night. Phelps started the game, and even though he has a perfectly normal name and there shouldn't be any confusion about his identity, I can't help but think of the Phelps of the Michael persuasion OR think of some kind of a poor man's D-Rob.

Great, now there's a pitcher I mix up with D-Rob. Let's just break down the Yankee nomenclature, and you'll see why my head spins a lot:


Cory Wade
Clay Rapada
Cody Eppley
Chad Qualls*

David Phelps
David Robertson

Boone Logan
Derek Lowe


Eric Chavez
Raul Ibanaez
Eduardo Nunez*

Joba
Nova
Cano

Swish
Sneach
Stewart

R-Mart
R-So

Nix
Tex

*Not on Yankees' active roster, but bolsters my case.

Basically that leaves Jeter, Grandy, Jones, Casey McGehee, and Kirudo to hang out with each other and marvel over their distinctive names. I do and I don't want to be invited to that happy hour.

Anyways, um, YOU'RE WELCOME for delineating the Yankees phonetically.

Last night's game:

Swish hit a grand slam, and I'm pretty sure he hits at least one a week. Elias Sports Bureau confirms this is true, ie confirms that he has hit 2 this year. The Yankees actually have hit more than everyone (9) else though, so my hyperbole tendencies are not that unjustified.

Phelps and Lowe split up the game, and no one in the world knows exactly who comprises the Yankees' starting rotation. Similarly no one in the world knows who is a starter vs a reliever. It's awesome.

It's exactly how I always envisioned my fantasy world of baseball to be: less MLB-y, more little league-y. A gaggle of pitchers that pitch whenever the coach wants 'em to, not necessarily when their job description tells 'em too. ALL HANDS ON DECK. NO JOB TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL.

Phelps picked off 2 batters, (Andy? Andy who?) and he was excited because that meant he had to throw fewer pitches. He must have been NEEERRRR-VOUUUUS. So was Lowe. Seriously. Lowe was scared that all the Yankee fans weren't going to like him because of that whole 2004 thing.

I think he bounced around to enough teams in between 2004 and 2012 for us (me, anyway) to put 2 and 2 together. Also, I don't remember Derek Lowe damning us. He was just there when it happened.

Pretty good work.

Dempster didn't pitch so well, and he was REALLY defensive about it. "Whatever, it had NOTHING to do with the move from the NL to the AL. It just had to do with the fact that I'm used to having a pitcher at the bottom of the order, and now I have to pitch to actual batters." That's essentially what he said. Yeah. Nothing at all to do with the NL vs AL.

Not great work.

Chavez went deep, Sneach tripled, Jeter had hits. Everyone had a hit actually, except for Cano and Grandy. Considering the Yanks were playing the best offense in the league, it was more than an impressive outting.

The only homerun the Rangers could must was off the bat of David Murphy,who I ALWAYS mix up with Daniel Murphy. This perpetual mix-up rarely affects my life in any significant way, though.

The Yankees are only 5 games ahead of Tampa, 6 on the O's (Sweet Christ), and then excessive amounts ahead of Bobby Valentine's Playoff Team, and the Jays.

The best records in baseball predictably belong to the Nationals and the Reds. Of course. That's normal.

I hope the Yankees keep up this offensive fire tonight (well, forever, really. Why not? In terms of irrational wishes, go big or go home.) But by the same token, I also want the Yankees to save something for the swim back, aka the weekend series against Boston.

Lauren disagrees with me, she doesn't think people should ever save anything for the swim back. From a 2009 playoff recap:

"Have you ever seen Gattaca?" my sister asked, during our somber Game 5 recap.
"Um. Oh. Yeah. With Halle Berry?"
"Huh? No..you're thinking of Gothika. Wait, you've seen Gothika?"
"No."
"Then why did you say--ok, nevermind, the point is, there's this part in the movie where these 2 guys, who always have these swimming competitions with each other, are like treading water in the middle of the ocean, and one guy says, 'How did you do it? How do always, always beat me?' and the other guy says, 'You know how I did it? I never saved anything for the way back.'"

Anyways, Gothika stuff aside, let's just score more runs than the Rangers do. Matt Harrison takes the mound for Texas tonight, against Kuroda. I think the Yankees will win, because Matt Harrison pitches RIGHT in the Bomber's wheelhouse. No funny business.

Keep it up.

Ledo pila dura. Ustule magis currit. Simplex.