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Friday/Saturday games (winning)

I can't start writing in this British way of "re" instead "er," because I had to do that for work once and changing all the "z"'s to "s"'s messes me up. I don't need anything else confusing me. So, sorry, Jays and fans and Canadians. It's going to be Rogers Center, not Centre. It's either that or change everything with an "s" to a "z" to balance things out.

I'm in Long Beach right now watching the Yankee game, and God I love games that Coney announces. For example, did anyone else catch the 100% hilarious discussion of Cone's account of when he first signed on as a professional baseball player?

Like many of the gems that come out of the YES booth, I usually don't catch the first part of the conversation that actually is legitimate baseball analysis and commentary. But then I'll hear a "moves like Jagger" mention, but even better, a "50 Shades of Grey" reference to describe a Tex at-bat.

It should be noted how unduly impressed I am with Cone's pop culture acumen, particularly since I didn't even know what 50 Shades of Grey even was up until recently. I actually thought it was about neurology or something. Like a book about how the brain works (grey matter). And that sounds like the kind of book that would be getting a lot of media attention. It wasn't til my coworker said she was excited about her new "beach read" that I realized that it probably wasn't about neuroscience.

Today Kay is talking about some player who just got a call up to the majors when he was walking to class and skyping or something. I don't really know, I just started paying attention when Cone chimed in with his story about his major league signing.

"Did I get a signing bonus? Are you kidding? Someone told me I didn't have to go to college and I could play baseball instead and I said, where do I sign! Then they gave me a check for $17,000 without taking the taxes out, which I spent in 6 months. Bought a nice Camaro. And then my next check was for $63."

I don't understand how taxes work either, Cone. Seriously. They just make me sad.

The Yankees, however, have been making things happy. They won in a normal way on Friday, which is to say they weren't giving up 7 runs leads or getting 3-hit against, etc. They looked Yankee-like.

(Which apparently doesn't mean a whole lot to Sneachiro, who hasn't fully caught on to the fact he's a Yankee: "Whenever they announce my name in Yankee Stadium, I'm surprised. I think, 'oh yeah, I forgot. I'm a Yankee now.'" Lauren and I suspect that his translator is very forgiving when it comes to translating for Sneach. You gotta assume that these translator job descriptions are half related to fluency, half related to PR experience.)

He also thought it was worth mentioning that he will play another position but catcher. HA! I have a newfound affinity for Sneach after that comment, since I'm pretty sure that no recreational softball game in the history of ever has ever transpired without a chick saying those SAME exact words. I mean, I'll cop to it. I have my bum knee as an excuse, but yeah, what of it. I'm right there with ya, Sneach.

But, yeah, do I think that the Yankees should tell Sneach next week that he's gonna be taking R-Mart's spot in the lineup, complete with catching position responsibilities and everything...just to see how the new guy reacts.
Alright, I'm veering off topic more than usual.
Baseball. Ivan Nova ends his not-playing-good skid, which unfortunately coincides on the same day that I forgot to rerack my fantasy team. That wasn't even the worst misplay of the week though. R.A. Dickey collected dust on my bench during his 10K complete game. Sigh.
Anyways, let's bullet this, since nothing grounds people more than bulleted lists. There's gotta be some kind of way the NRA can leverage this phenomenon into an audience-expanding awareness campaign.
  • Tex hit a homerun last night and dedicated it to his 4-year old's birthday. Today it was his dad's birthday, but he didn't hit a homerun for his dad, though I do not think it was for lack of trying.

  • Aaron Laffey thinks that he pitched super well for the whole game but that there was just one little mess up that tainted the whole thing. Uh, sort of. Not really though, since he only pitched like less than 6 innings and gave up 5 runs in the 4th. On many hits. And only 2 Ks. He makes it out like he had a Mussina-esque game broken up by Carl Everett.

  • McGehee had a great 3-run ding in the 4th, I'm pretty sure it was the Coors Hard Blast of the game, even, so you KNOW it was exceptional. It's funny because McGehee sort of indicated that that shot took some of the pressure off him. I can sort of get that, he comes to NY and it's the freaking YANKEES he's playing for, and how do you really move the needle on that team? (I will garrote the first person who makes any kind of steroid reference.)

  • Colby Rasmus for some reason maintains relevance in a way that is normally reserved for franchise players. Maybe she had something to do with it. The difference between chicks obsessing over a random player (ie my sister's obsession with fill-in-the-blank obscure Yankee middle reliever), or a dude obsessing over a random player (ie my sister's ex's obsession with Ramon Castro) is that chicks do things like this. And I respect that. I'm all for the Michael Scott practice of making up songs to commemorate unremarkability.

  • The ump had to warn both benches because Nova plunked Escobar 2 times in a row, possibly in retaliation for Grandy getting hit earlier in the game. I'm not sure any of the amiss pitches were realllly intentional. Because, I don't know, what was it buying anyone? Didn't they already get the whole YEAH! TOUGH GUY! thing checked off the list with the Girardi ejection the other day? I think even the benches were confused about whether they were supposed to be incensed or otherwise emotionally charged.
Which leaves me with the thought that maybe there needs to be studio audience prompter types of people there. Like the people who hold up the APPLAUSE and AWWWW and LAUGH signs at talk show tapings. There needs to be someone doing the same thing for players, since the fans already have the jumbotron to remind us when to make some noise. Players should have the same amenities.

Yeah. So those were the 2 good games of the weekend. Then there was Sunday's game...
 Sunday's game (losing)

Hughes looked TERRIBLE. What is his problem on the road? It's like he gets homesick or something and forgets how to do things he's normally perfectly capable of doing when he's on his own turf. I wonder what he was like at summer camp. If ever went to one of those sleep away camps in New England, where he had dances with the all-girls camp across the lake every 2 weeks, and where he woke up to revelrie and had to do instructional swim at 7am.
And I wonder if when he did that, he was the worst at archery etc even though his parents assumed he'd be the most popular boy there on account of alllll the sports accolades he racks up at home.
Within what felt like minutes, it was a 7-0 game. And now would be a good time to mention that for all my posturing and fanfare about how I'm the bionic woman who could just breeze right through surgery like it's on par with getting a paper cut, I was in a lot of f'n pain this weekend. I don't know what was worse though, laughing or watching this. Because both exacerbated the pain.
Which means that every time my cousin asked, "So, wait, do you like not have a belly button anymore?? Did they just cut it out??" it felt like I was getting stabbed. (She asked this a lot too, so there was a lot of guffawing that was abruptly cut short by moaning.) Same thing for when my mom cheerfully said, "Well, now when you watch 48 Hours, and you see a story about a woman who got stabbed to death, you can be like, 'hey I think I know how that feels!'"
And then when my dad deadpans, "Mary, there's a big difference." Yes, there is. Just not the one my dad identified, which was: "People on 48 Hours don't ASK to be stabbed. Kris DID." What? Everything my parents say is funnier than the last thing, and hence by the time I got home on Sunday, my stomach felt like it had been auditioning for a role as a voodoo doll.

So, yeah, that should explain my complete not-being-anywhere-except-the-bed-all-weekend-ness.

Speaking of pain, the Yankees did that thing where they claw their way back into the game, only to come up short. And speaking of coming up short, there's this.
Oh, just stop it, Rajai. Now you're just showing off. 5 RBIs on the day and now this? I bet after the game allll the girls wanted to hang out with you, huh.

The Yankee bats did their best to make Hughes' outing less disgusting, and after 4 innings of tossing up 0's on the scoreboard, McGehee finally puts them in the game by doubling in Andruw Jones. Jeter  (3 for 5) and Cano both homered, comprising 4 of the team's 7 runs.

Pretty much al of Toronto's team is on the DL, many of whom are the byproducts of the last Yankee series. Encarnacion was like the only player I recognized. And shame on you, Encarnacion, for hitting the ball so hard. (He homered. Stupid.)

And speaking of injuries, didn't feel good, his wrist was hurting or something, but since I imagine his resiliency to be along the lines of something like this, I think we're gonna be ok here. Thin candy shell, etc. Thick blubber skin. Semantics.
Kevin Costner is my moon goddess.
To "replace" him in the rotation (ha!), the Yanks picked up a Japanese dude whose work in Scranton has been, uh, less than stellar, really.

Not exactly one of the Japanese import success stories. Eh, whatever, he's actually just keeping the seat warm for DEREK LOWE. Christ. Derek Lowe, huh. Still hanging in there, how very Billy Chapel of him.
Unless they're talking about signing on THIS Lowe, who I'm assuming is not the same person, but yet wishing that they were in fact, one in the same.
He's so multidimensional, that Lowe.
Saw it a few years ago during one of those stretches of time when I was sleeping in the office 5 nights a week (if I was even lucky enough to sleep at all), and I remember thinking, "DEREK LOWE DOES PHARMA RESEARCH NOW? @*#$ HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN AWAY FROM THE BASEBALL WORLD?"

So, yeah, the 7th inning of Sunday's game. A lot of offense and hits and effort, with the Yankees batting around and making everyone excited for a comeback, but not really excited so much as angrily passive aggressive about it.
The crescendo was as follows (with 2 outs): Nix/Jeter back to back doubles. Swish plates Jeter. Tex doubles. Cano HBP. BASES LOADED!!! WITH 2 OUTS!! OMG! Ahh, to think just a few innings ago they were down 7-0 and now it's a 10-7 game with the go-ahead run at the plate and a rally in full swing! A(DIAhakdqpo3ei-[3i4203!!!

Jones grounded out to fielder's choice. Yeah, so the 8th inning and 9th inning come and go, but they missed their chance. 3 up 3 down 3 up 3 down. Grrr.

Not a great game. Not tight at all. They're lucky they kept it that close, because they aren't playing like the well-oiled machine of yore. Yore being pre-ASG. Dammit, I miss the days of "Just wait til after the ASG! The Yankees'll pick up the pace then! They always do!" 

This kind of says it all: the average ERAs of the pitchers that tossed this game for NY:  7.20.

Happ was the winning pitcher for the Jays, and this was his line: 5.2 IP, 6 hits, 4 runs, 4Ks, 2 homeruns.

That was the WINNING pitcher.
It's like watching your unattractive ex land the best looking chick in the school.

Alright, so begins a new week. And the Yankees break for home. 4 games against Texas then the weekend of Socks stuff. I'm going to probably assign a TON of importance to their performance during this week, whether it's warranted or not. Kind of like saying, "Ok, if I hit this shot, then that means I'm the best ever in life."


1 Comment:

  1. Infantry_169 said...
    CYC, ok now having played ball up to high school, then joining the military, I know when someone has to step forward and un-screw up some things. First, injuries, now everybody has the same problem but I know when a dark cloud is following my troops and steps need to be taken to include consulting a voodoo priestess, an exorcist, or even Nostradamus. If things get any worse, David Cone is gonna have to come out of the booth and become the Ace of the staff again. Second, what is up with Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde aka Phil Hughes? I just can’t figure him out. Do we need to hypnotise him to think every game is at Yankee stadium? Or do we need to hire Susan Sarandon (Annie Savoy) to come in and work with Nuke? Let’s put some women’s lingerie on Phil and make him breath out of his eyelids? Sunday’s game I spent the first half at the ER because of pain from my surgery, and I get back home and the score is 100-5, what the heck? Third, it’s getting like a cattle call at a broadway play with the players coming and going. I wouldn’t be surprised if we signed Kevin Costner to play catcher/Pitcher. I know we are both recovering from surgery but my head is swimming and I feel like I’ve been dropped into some alternative universe, but I really need you to help me figure all this out.
    Oh, and get well soon.

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