"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

Friday/Saturday games (winning)

I can't start writing in this British way of "re" instead "er," because I had to do that for work once and changing all the "z"'s to "s"'s messes me up. I don't need anything else confusing me. So, sorry, Jays and fans and Canadians. It's going to be Rogers Center, not Centre. It's either that or change everything with an "s" to a "z" to balance things out.

• Tex hit a homerun last night and dedicated it to his 4-year old's birthday. Today it was his dad's birthday, but he didn't hit a homerun for his dad, though I do not think it was for lack of trying.

• Aaron Laffey thinks that he pitched super well for the whole game but that there was just one little mess up that tainted the whole thing. Uh, sort of. Not really though, since he only pitched like less than 6 innings and gave up 5 runs in the 4th. On many hits. And only 2 Ks. He makes it out like he had a Mussina-esque game broken up by Carl Everett.

• McGehee had a great 3-run ding in the 4th, I'm pretty sure it was the Coors Hard Blast of the game, even, so you KNOW it was exceptional. It's funny because McGehee sort of indicated that that shot took some of the pressure off him. I can sort of get that, he comes to NY and it's the freaking YANKEES he's playing for, and how do you really move the needle on that team? (I will garrote the first person who makes any kind of steroid reference.)

• Colby Rasmus for some reason maintains relevance in a way that is normally reserved for franchise players. Maybe she had something to do with it. The difference between chicks obsessing over a random player (ie my sister's obsession with fill-in-the-blank obscure Yankee middle reliever), or a dude obsessing over a random player (ie my sister's ex's obsession with Ramon Castro) is that chicks do things like this. And I respect that. I'm all for the Michael Scott practice of making up songs to commemorate unremarkability.

• The ump had to warn both benches because Nova plunked Escobar 2 times in a row, possibly in retaliation for Grandy getting hit earlier in the game. I'm not sure any of the amiss pitches were realllly intentional. Because, I don't know, what was it buying anyone? Didn't they already get the whole YEAH! TOUGH GUY! thing checked off the list with the Girardi ejection the other day? I think even the benches were confused about whether they were supposed to be incensed or otherwise emotionally charged.

Hughes looked TERRIBLE. What is his problem on the road? It's like he gets homesick or something and forgets how to do things he's normally perfectly capable of doing when he's on his own turf. I wonder what he was like at summer camp. If ever went to one of those sleep away camps in New England, where he had dances with the all-girls camp across the lake every 2 weeks, and where he woke up to revelrie and had to do instructional swim at 7am.

 

 

 

And I wonder if when he did that, he was the worst at archery etc even though his parents assumed he'd be the most popular boy there on account of alllll the sports accolades he racks up at home.

 

 

 

Within what felt like minutes, it was a 7-0 game. And now would be a good time to mention that for all my posturing and fanfare about how I'm the bionic woman who could just breeze right through surgery like it's on par with getting a paper cut, I was in a lot of f'n pain this weekend. I don't know what was worse though, laughing or watching this. Because both exacerbated the pain.

 

 

Which means that every time my cousin asked, "So, wait, do you like not have a belly button anymore?? Did they just cut it out??" it felt like I was getting stabbed. (She asked this a lot too, so there was a lot of guffawing that was abruptly cut short by moaning.) Same thing for when my mom cheerfully said, "Well, now when you watch 48 Hours, and you see a story about a woman who got stabbed to death, you can be like, 'hey I think I know how that feels!'"

 

 

And then when my dad deadpans, "Mary, there's a big difference." Yes, there is. Just not the one my dad identified, which was: "People on 48 Hours don't ASK to be stabbed. Kris DID." What? Everything my parents say is funnier than the last thing, and hence by the time I got home on Sunday, my stomach felt like it had been auditioning for a role as a voodoo doll.

So, yeah, that should explain my complete not-being-anywhere-except-the-bed-all-weekend-ness.

Speaking of pain, the Yankees did that thing where they claw their way back into the game, only to come up short. And speaking of coming up short, there's this.

 

 

Oh, just stop it, Rajai. Now you're just showing off. 5 RBIs on the day and now this? I bet after the game allll the girls wanted to hang out with you, huh.

The Yankee bats did their best to make Hughes' outing less disgusting, and after 4 innings of tossing up 0's on the scoreboard, McGehee finally puts them in the game by doubling in Andruw Jones. Jeter  (3 for 5) and Cano both homered, comprising 4 of the team's 7 runs.

Pretty much al of Toronto's team is on the DL, many of whom are the byproducts of the last Yankee series. Encarnacion was like the only player I recognized. And shame on you, Encarnacion, for hitting the ball so hard. (He homered. Stupid.)

And speaking of injuries, Tubbo.com didn't feel good, his wrist was hurting or something, but since I imagine his resiliency to be along the lines of something like this, I think we're gonna be ok here. Thin candy shell, etc. Thick blubber skin. Semantics.

 

 

Kevin Costner is my moon goddess.

To "replace" him in the rotation (ha!), the Yanks picked up a Japanese dude whose work in Scranton has been, uh, less than stellar, really.



Not exactly one of the Japanese import success stories. Eh, whatever, he's actually just keeping the seat warm for DEREK LOWE. Christ. Derek Lowe, huh. Still hanging in there, how very Billy Chapel of him.

 

 

Unless they're talking about signing on THIS Lowe, who I'm assuming is not the same person, but yet wishing that they were in fact, one in the same.

He's so multidimensional, that Lowe.

Saw it a few years ago during one of those stretches of time when I was sleeping in the office 5 nights a week (if I was even lucky enough to sleep at all), and I remember thinking, "DEREK LOWE DOES PHARMA RESEARCH NOW? @*#$ HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN AWAY FROM THE BASEBALL WORLD?"

So, yeah, the 7th inning of Sunday's game. A lot of offense and hits and effort, with the Yankees batting around and making everyone excited for a comeback, but not really excited so much as angrily passive aggressive about it.

 

 

The crescendo was as follows (with 2 outs): Nix/Jeter back to back doubles. Swish plates Jeter. Tex doubles. Cano HBP. BASES LOADED!!! WITH 2 OUTS!! OMG! Ahh, to think just a few innings ago they were down 7-0 and now it's a 10-7 game with the go-ahead run at the plate and a rally in full swing! A(DIAhakdqpo3ei-[3i4203!!!

Jones grounded out to fielder's choice. Yeah, so the 8th inning and 9th inning come and go, but they missed their chance. 3 up 3 down 3 up 3 down. Grrr.

Not a great game. Not tight at all. They're lucky they kept it that close, because they aren't playing like the well-oiled machine of yore. Yore being pre-ASG. Dammit, I miss the days of "Just wait til after the ASG! The Yankees'll pick up the pace then! They always do!" 

This kind of says it all: the average ERAs of the pitchers that tossed this game for NY:  7.20.

Happ was the winning pitcher for the Jays, and this was his line: 5.2 IP, 6 hits, 4 runs, 4Ks, 2 homeruns.

That was the WINNING pitcher.

 

 

It's like watching your unattractive ex land the best looking chick in the school.

Alright, so begins a new week. And the Yankees break for home. 4 games against Texas then the weekend of Socks stuff. I'm going to probably assign a TON of importance to their performance during this week, whether it's warranted or not. Kind of like saying, "Ok, if I hit this shot, then that means I'm the best ever in life."

FERIRE IACTUM.