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You know what saying is really applicable to the series finale loss?

"You can't win them all."

It's true. You can't. Isn't that weird? No one is undefeated in anything. In significant sized sample pools, anyway. At my last job, I was at a happy hour and there was a new, young art director there, and the first words out of her mouth were "I've never lost a beer pong game in my life." But that was impossible. HOWEVAH, I also thought it was impossible for first impressions to be rendered completely immaterial, but she threw that preconceived notion out the window, too. (Cheers, Lindsay! I miss you and Team Grapefruit Bullet.)

Anyways, back and forth the game went this afternoon. Which is pretty much the worst way a day game can go, unless you took off work to actually see it. If it's a blow out either way, then that's just a little gift from the baseball gods. Like when my mom comes back from TJ Maxx with whatever impulse item was stragetically positioned near the checkout for consumers just like my mom, and she retrofits an unmet need into the purchase when she lovingly surprises me with it: "Do you have any interest in a pink whale that opens bottles? Thought you might so I picked it up for you." I love her.

Similarly, when there's a crazy scoring disparity in a day game, it's like the baseball gods are working around our work schedule. Like they know we're in a status meeting so they just go all crossing guard on the game, holding their arms up and putting the kabosh on excitement until we're back at our desks and can pur the game on in the background.

Conversely, when there's a textbookk case of a nip and tuck game (why does nip and tuck mean back and forth?), then it's just kind of cruel. Obviously, we can't follow the game in any dedicated fashion, so putting us in the position of squirming around in a conference room wondering what happened since the last time we saw the score, and it was 2 on with 1 out and the tying run on deck..well, what a bitch!

The Yankees lost, as I disovered very flatly after I returned to my desk. There were post-its indicating urgency and a computer screen indicating a final score of 10-6. Grumble grumble.

Nova struggled again, and maybe I'm getting a little nervous that the bloom has fallen from the rose? Maybe. I'm not really going to harangue Nova too much though (ps, harangue sounds too much like harass, and their definitions aren't that different, which seems dumb. Like making the 2 main characters in Liar Liar look identical for no real reason. Or like naming the Super Bowl "The Super Bowl" when its origin actually stems from a Super BALL.)

And the reason I'm not going to lemon merengue harangue Nova is because why would I do that when I have Justin Chamberlain back in the mix? Plus Nova was shaky, not abysmal. 5.2 IP, 7 hits, 4 runs. Besides, the Yankees made up those runs in the 5th, when they came back from 4-0 to just realllly needle (reedle?) Pocket Protector. Which is not to be confused with a Lead Protector. (So many times people confuse the two.) Derek Holland was not protecting anything. 

He actually didn't fare much better or worse than Nova. 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 5 runs. Except he whiffed one more than Nova. Gave up 1 more homerun than Nova. And walked 4 less than Nova. 4BBs?? See, this is what I was talking about yesterday. Sweaty Freddy pitches like him and Fatso got involved in some kind of "Vice Versa"/"Like Father, Like Son" plot. And today Nova pitches like he's mildly concussed and forgot that he's supposed to be our little plucky pistol of a starter. 

The offenses on both sides were comparable. Not THAT comparable, as evidenced by the score, but you know what I mean. The Rangers finally looked more Ranger-like. Not REALLY that Ranger-y, but more so than they have for the past week. I mean, they're playing the telephone booth sized stadium, and not a one homerun. Not even from the Almighty Josh Hamilton, who went 2 for 4. Also, he did drugs at one point in his life but he's so bravely cleaned up his act. 

Everyone on Texas got a hit, actually, except for Mitch Moreland, and that really just sounds like the name of a guy who'd be the one who didn't get a hit, you know? No chance lance someone named Geovany Soto is going to be the odd man out in anything. David Murphy, maybe. I could see someone groaning something like, "Oh GREAT, look who's here. The Murphster." 

But no, the Murphster was firmly entrenched in the hit party, going 3 for 5 with 2 ribbies. Gentry and Beltre each chipped in 3 ribbies of their own. So...Bentre had 6 RBIs. 

I'm gonna use one of my favorite Dad lines here, in regards to Boone Logan and Justin Chamberlain: "Everything's all screwed up now." My dad is NOT discriminating in what he applies this exclamation of frustration to. It usually refers to their circa turn of the centry IBM computer that he attributes a lack of functionality to the "kids coming home and doing all that downloading." Or "Everything's alll screwed up now" can be uttered when he sees there's no more olive oil in the house, if he misplaces the remote, or if he loses his Magic Penny.

I am going to use it to drive home my contempt for the Return of Joba. "Everyhing's all screwed up now." Ok, yeah, he didn't really lose the game for us all on his own or anything. I mean, think of it this way: in a little over 3 innings, 4 pitchers gave up just as many runs as one  starter did in over 5 innings. Eppley, Boone, Justin, and Color Swatch all gave up at least 1 run a piece. And that amalgamation of bullpen deflation was the undoing for the Yankees.

Not their hitting, because that was just great. 10 hits, 3 of which came from Sneach. The rest of the team, eh their numbers don't look good for the game, but I thought overall the bats appeared to be hittting on the screws, etc. (Pause? Is that a pause? Where's Strange when I need him.)

A few other items of the game worth mentioning:

Poor Mike Olt. Not because of his name. But because he is a rookie and dropped a can of corn. He is 100% paying people on the street to crack eggs on his head right now, as a form of punishment. What, that's what everyone does when they feel guilty, right? No? Maybe he's not doing that then. I don't know what he's doing.

Andruw Jones batted clean-up for the first time ever, and it was a very Maddon-y move for Girardi. He's been channeling Maddon more and more these days. Maybe it's like when Shooter McGavin tried to do Happy Gilmore's crazy slapshot golf swing. You're in the lead, but you got a threat closing in on you, and you panic a little so you decide to beat him at his own game. Let's just see how effective this quirky methodology REALLY is. 

But no, Joe. Don't do it. Maddon is like that quote about juries. You put your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren't even smart enough to get out of jury duty. Don't put your stock in someone who wasn't even smart enough to invest in lasik, and/or wasn't even smart enough to make a demand on MLB larger than hoodie sweatshirt acceptance. (Be more Belichik-y. Gross.)

Jones homered though, so maybe it was a good move, except he also struck out to crush a rally and the last hope of taking the lead back for good. He homered and Beltre goes all linebacker style when the miniscule football refs are trying to peel off layers of players on a loose-ball pile up. 

And all the guys who aren't in the mosh pit are jumping up and down and frantically pointing to their side of the field, as if the refs gonna be like, "Oh, wait, it's your ball? Cool, thanks for the heads up." Beltre starts pointing foul foul foul, except video replay revealed its true nature, which was a ding. Thanks, video replay. For ruining the game. But not in that case. That case was good, I guess. 

(Only time I really loved the replay with every fiber of my being was during Game 3 of the World Series in 2009, when Arod hit a camera and it was ruled a HR. They should have stopped with the video stuff after that. It did its job. Now, go.)

Alright, back to to the crushing of the momentum that occurred when Jones struck out to end the 7th. That was just momentum he crushed. Not our chances of winning, really. He just HURT the chances of regaining lead. Justin was the one who took those crushed up hope particles away from those armed and ready with Krazy Glue, all ready to put shit back together...and Justin went ahead and thew them in a mortar and pestled the shit out of 'em. 

I think he probably throws the hardest when it's hopes going into a mortar, or when it's Phiten-empowered baseball going through a brick wall.

So there you have it. Now it's time to host the Red Socks and their circus of freaks. Wait, actually, what are they positioning themselves as now? Are they still idiots? Or are they a playoff team still in contention? Or just rebels without a cause but with a penchant for BL smoothies?

Their franchise's brand personality is possibly the only thing less crystallized than the structure of the Yankees pitching.

But, you know, our problem is better. Because the Red Socks are bad at everything. Even having problems.

Lastly, speaking of problems, there were sooo many opportunities for great hyperlinking and I couldn't do any of it, because even when an ipad has a little keyboard attached to it, it's not a laptop. And try to copy and paste and move things around...well, the ipad basically said, "You want comfortable, go to Betty. You want hot, stay with Veronica."

(Update 11:51am: Hyperlinks are IN, man.)

Alright, good luck on the weekend opener against the biggest rival in sports history! Excitement!

Recipiet, amentibus. In Yankees sunt onustos enim ursus, parati sanguinem. (Vestrum. Non nostra.)


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