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Normally I;m not a big fan of the day games during work
hours. For obvious reasons. But this was nice. It was pleasant. Like an
impromptu brunch or something. No stress, a lot of strong points, and it puts
you in a good frame of mind for the rest of the day.
I’m writing this on the train home, and while there’s
something about coming home to your parents that erases the grind of a day in a
way that coming home to your own apartment cannot*, I’m looking at about
another 8 hours of work. If I had to juggle that with the mania of watching a
last-week-of-baseball-during-a-playoff-race game, I’d undoubtedly turn into one
of those cartoons whose head spins around so fast that it flies off the body.
I don’t know what cartoon this is, but it sounds
familiar. Probably something in the fantastic 90s movie Stay Tuned that I think
maybe one other person in the history of ever has seen.
*Home. Cooked. Food. And 2 people who are always excited
to see you, in addition to a cat who thinks it’s a surprise and a miracle that
you come home.
Also, according to Ohyob, the Yankees are playing the
White Sox next weekend. Which is interesting since even if he was saying it in
a mark-my-words-the-Yankees-are-going-to-playing-Chicago-in-the-playoffs type
of way (which he wasn’t), it’s impossible for that to happen. I’m wondering
what he knows that everyone else doesn’t.
I thought maybe he was thinking of the Red Socks series,
but no, that starts on Monday. I want to live in Ohyob’s head sometimes, and
revel in the lawless, hedonistic land where time is fungible and life is pretty
much a giant game of Sim Town where both people, careers, and quality of life
are no more alive or significant than a computer code.
However, there is no baseball in Ohyob’s head. So if
there was a Zagat’s entry on it, it’d say: “People” seem content in this “monument
to Bacchanalia, Tolstoy, and squash” but criticize the lack of “real sports”
and “normal social conduct.” Despite its “angrily apathetic lack of décor,”
patrons give this “neighborhood secret” their approval, even though the manager
calls said patrons “rousing ibuffoons.”
Ok, moving on. The Yankees won! Fatso was superb. Not
that I actually saw any of his 10 Ks, but I saw the simulated pitches. I think
it’s nice how Gamestracker adds these little extra touches to make it feel as
close to watching a real game as possible. They could just use little pixelated
avatars, but no. They go the extra mile. Kudos to ESPN’s creative department.
The Twinkies jumped to an early lead, and they were
probably SO SO SO excited. They don’t look forward to the Yankees coming in
town, I think. Iowa Jeff was never a huge fan of these games, due largely to
the fact the Yankees always found new and innocuous ways to making the Twinkies
hate life.
Carson plates Doumit in the 2nd, and that’s
when the Twink fans could’ve left Target. It’s kind of funny to me that Target
is the team’s corporate sponsor since the owner of the Twinks is like a
bajillionaire who just doesn’t want to shell out any money. It’s like his way
of saying, frugality is the spirit of baseball, I’m just doing the right thing.
Whatever, I like Minnesota, they’re adorable. And
speaking of insanely hot, Mauer was 0 for 4 but was probably really nice about
it.
Round Boy all in all gave up 6 hits, 2 runs, and a walk.
The only downside of missing this game was the fact that it sounds like his
pitches were just like the filth that soils filth. Like, Billy Chapel in “For
Love of the Game” type of filth.
Cano continued to pick up the pace (Jesus, remember when
the season started and he was like Michael Myers-esque invincible? If I had but
world enough and time, I’d look into exactly when the slump began, and I’d
assign some irrational stimulus to it. Next time.) He doubled in a run, Grandy
tripled in a run, and basically the Yankees made it look like either:
a.) They
were just on automatic pilot, sensing October ball on the horizon.
b.) Minnesota
is where opponents’ slumps go to die.
Speaking of dying, Jeter’s hitting streak. Dead at 19.
(Sounds like a Dateline episode.) Soooo close to tying Dimaggio! So close.
A-Rod was out with a bruised foot. I’m almost at the
point where I’m like, Just don’t give us a reason. Or make up a story. Say you
got jumped by the NFL’s replacement’s refs and they stabbed you repeatedly. I’m
actually curious to see who the world with side with if Arod ever trotted out
this story. But a bruised foot?
First of all, I’ve never even seen a bruised foot. And I
played soccer and kicked a lot of furniture. Even when I broke my toe, I
wouldn’t describe my foot as bruised. I’m marginally terrified that we’re gonna
learn Arod takes ballet in his free time, because it helps with his
psychological balance and poise. Arod is to his life coach as my mom is to her
TomTom.
“Lauren, the TomTom is saying to turn here and wait for
the light. So I’m not moving until the light changes.”
“There is no light. Just a lake. Also, we’re not on a
road anymore.”
In Arod’s absence, we were treated to a very Arod move by
Chavez, who was filling in at 3rd. The old thinking there are 2 outs
instead of 1 gag.
I know, it’s a lot to remember. The number of outs.
And..that’s it, actually. It’s not like the ump is going around the field
making everyone introduce themselves with their name, their position, and where
they’re from. Which actually always stresses me out in meetings. I don’t know
why.
Chris Dickerson homered for the Yanks, and Eppley who is
a real Lefty Specialist unlike some pitchers I know, got the last 3 outs to not
get a save but to give Girardi some practice in micromanaging his pen.
The Yankees are 2 up on Baltimore, but the O’s are
currently beating Toronto 6-2 in the 6th. Also, my train is pulling
up to my stop.
Tomorrow Ivan Nova goes against Brandon Morrow. Scary.
This whole week is making me disintegrate like cartoons do.
Magica numerus est sex. [pause.] Infirmorum! Sacculum praestigias!
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* The Rangers finish with the AL's best overall record, the Yanks win the AL East, the White Sox win the AL Central, and the Orioles win the Wild Card play-in game. Thus the 1-seed Rangers would play the 4-seed O's, and the 2-seed Yanks would play the 3-seed ChiSox.
* The Yanks finish with the AL's best overall record, the Rangers or the A's win the AL West, the Tigers win the AL Central, and the ChiSox win the Wild Card play-in game. Thus the 1-seed Yanks would play the 4-seed ChiSox, and the 2-seed Rangers or A's would play the 3-seed Tigers.
Either eventuality is still very possible, and either would be "next week," unless the ALDS doesn't start until a week from this Sunday.
-- Uncle Mike (Uncle Mike's Musings)