2 hours ago
Normally I;m not a big fan of the day games during work hours. For obvious reasons. But this was nice. It was pleasant. Like an impromptu brunch or something. No stress, a lot of strong points, and it puts you in a good frame of mind for the rest of the day.
I’m writing this on the train home, and while there’s something about coming home to your parents that erases the grind of a day in a way that coming home to your own apartment cannot*, I’m looking at about another 8 hours of work. If I had to juggle that with the mania of watching a last-week-of-baseball-during-a-playoff-race game, I’d undoubtedly turn into one of those cartoons whose head spins around so fast that it flies off the body.
I don’t know what cartoon this is, but it sounds familiar. Probably something in the fantastic 90s movie Stay Tuned that I think maybe one other person in the history of ever has seen.
*Home. Cooked. Food. And 2 people who are always excited to see you, in addition to a cat who thinks it’s a surprise and a miracle that you come home.
Also, according to Ohyob, the Yankees are playing the White Sox next weekend. Which is interesting since even if he was saying it in a mark-my-words-the-Yankees-are-going-to-playing-Chicago-in-the-playoffs type of way (which he wasn’t), it’s impossible for that to happen. I’m wondering what he knows that everyone else doesn’t.
I thought maybe he was thinking of the Red Socks series, but no, that starts on Monday. I want to live in Ohyob’s head sometimes, and revel in the lawless, hedonistic land where time is fungible and life is pretty much a giant game of Sim Town where both people, careers, and quality of life are no more alive or significant than a computer code.
However, there is no baseball in Ohyob’s head. So if there was a Zagat’s entry on it, it’d say: “People” seem content in this “monument to Bacchanalia, Tolstoy, and squash” but criticize the lack of “real sports” and “normal social conduct.” Despite its “angrily apathetic lack of décor,” patrons give this “neighborhood secret” their approval, even though the manager calls said patrons “rousing ibuffoons.”
Ok, moving on. The Yankees won! Fatso was superb. Not that I actually saw any of his 10 Ks, but I saw the simulated pitches. I think it’s nice how Gamestracker adds these little extra touches to make it feel as close to watching a real game as possible. They could just use little pixelated avatars, but no. They go the extra mile. Kudos to ESPN’s creative department.
The Twinkies jumped to an early lead, and they were probably SO SO SO excited. They don’t look forward to the Yankees coming in town, I think. Iowa Jeff was never a huge fan of these games, due largely to the fact the Yankees always found new and innocuous ways to making the Twinkies hate life.
Carson plates Doumit in the 2nd, and that’s when the Twink fans could’ve left Target. It’s kind of funny to me that Target is the team’s corporate sponsor since the owner of the Twinks is like a bajillionaire who just doesn’t want to shell out any money. It’s like his way of saying, frugality is the spirit of baseball, I’m just doing the right thing.
Whatever, I like Minnesota, they’re adorable. And speaking of insanely hot, Mauer was 0 for 4 but was probably really nice about it.
Round Boy all in all gave up 6 hits, 2 runs, and a walk. The only downside of missing this game was the fact that it sounds like his pitches were just like the filth that soils filth. Like, Billy Chapel in “For Love of the Game” type of filth.
Cano continued to pick up the pace (Jesus, remember when the season started and he was like Michael Myers-esque invincible? If I had but world enough and time, I’d look into exactly when the slump began, and I’d assign some irrational stimulus to it. Next time.) He doubled in a run, Grandy tripled in a run, and basically the Yankees made it look like either:
a.) They were just on automatic pilot, sensing October ball on the horizon.
b.) Minnesota is where opponents’ slumps go to die.
Speaking of dying, Jeter’s hitting streak. Dead at 19. (Sounds like a Dateline episode.) Soooo close to tying Dimaggio! So close.
A-Rod was out with a bruised foot. I’m almost at the point where I’m like, Just don’t give us a reason. Or make up a story. Say you got jumped by the NFL’s replacement’s refs and they stabbed you repeatedly. I’m actually curious to see who the world with side with if Arod ever trotted out this story. But a bruised foot?
First of all, I’ve never even seen a bruised foot. And I played soccer and kicked a lot of furniture. Even when I broke my toe, I wouldn’t describe my foot as bruised. I’m marginally terrified that we’re gonna learn Arod takes ballet in his free time, because it helps with his psychological balance and poise. Arod is to his life coach as my mom is to her TomTom.
“Lauren, the TomTom is saying to turn here and wait for the light. So I’m not moving until the light changes.”
“There is no light. Just a lake. Also, we’re not on a road anymore.”
In Arod’s absence, we were treated to a very Arod move by Chavez, who was filling in at 3rd. The old thinking there are 2 outs instead of 1 gag.
I know, it’s a lot to remember. The number of outs. And..that’s it, actually. It’s not like the ump is going around the field making everyone introduce themselves with their name, their position, and where they’re from. Which actually always stresses me out in meetings. I don’t know why.
Chris Dickerson homered for the Yanks, and Eppley who is a real Lefty Specialist unlike some pitchers I know, got the last 3 outs to not get a save but to give Girardi some practice in micromanaging his pen.
The Yankees are 2 up on Baltimore, but the O’s are currently beating Toronto 6-2 in the 6th. Also, my train is pulling up to my stop.
Tomorrow Ivan Nova goes against Brandon Morrow. Scary. This whole week is making me disintegrate like cartoons do.
Magica numerus est sex. [pause.] Infirmorum! Sacculum praestigias!