"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

This is what it's starting to feel like. We hit a shot and then the Orioles have to go ahead and match it. I'm never gonna get my McDonald's at this rate, nor will the Yankees ever comfortably reign atop the division. Isn't it weird to think how there was a point not too long ago that they were TEN GAMES UP?

I can't say that without hearing Glenn buzzing in my ear, "Isn't it exciting now!" No. No, it's not. Waking up at 7am on Saturdays to watch Mr. Wizard and see what crazy science theorem he's going to debunk or expound upon next--that's exciting. Pulling out the core of the clementine still attached to the peel--that's exciting. Stumbling upon plays on words quite accidentally--exciting. Last cup in beer pong, the waiting room in an airport, $20 lodged deep in jean pocket--all exciting.

A tie for 1st with 20 games left to play? Well, I guess it's pretty exciting. I mean, for people who love the thrill of waiting for biopsy results, or for people who thrive on running out of gas on a freeway...yeah, this is a good time for them.

So, the Yanks are really catering to that audience these days, as evidenced by the fact they're still jet lagged or something from whatever cross Atlantic flight they took 3 weeks ago that rendered them about as spunky as mummies.

Alright, I'm being ridiculous. They won! Wahoo! It's a 0-0 game up until I leave the office, and then then Grandy goes yard, which a.) make me run not walk away from work. Fortunately it wasn't the other way around, since if the Socks had dinged one as I was leaving work, I would've obviously had to retreat back to my desk for the rest of the game. b.) Grandy's long ball has officially made him the most infuriating fantasy player ever. What the hell are you supposed to do with him, especially during these critical playoff times?

Then Cano does the same thing in the 4th and it's a 3-0 game. As always.

Yankees take early lead. Check.

Opponents answer in 2nd half of inning. Check. James Loney singles in Pedroia, and for the love of all that's holy, why can't Loney just do what half of the league is already doing and make his name pronounced 15% differently than it should be?

Join the ranks of Chone, Mueller, Thames, and just call yourself LOONEY. Please. Boston would LOVE that.

Moving on, Looney Tunes makes it 3-1, but 3 innings later, Grandy makes it 5-1 when he homers AGAIN. Crazy town. I hope to God my sister played him today. The Yankees were doing it old style, the way they know. Screw "run manufacturing" as the consensus understands it. This is how they manufacture the runs. I'm okay with that.

NOT okay, howevah, with the way they so coyly let the game become 5-4 before I could even look up from shovelling in my dinner.

Saltwhatever and Nava hit doubles or something. I couldn't help but notice hearing Kay say something about how Saltwhatever is dangerous. When the hell did that happen? If memory serves, and it almost always does because memory is a good worker like sandpipers and bees, then Saltwhatever was striking out approximately 203 times a day in the last series. He was so bad.

Now he's dangerous? When did all of this happen? It's like how I feel every time I hear Jason Giambi's name. My first thought is, "That can't be real" and my second is, "It probably is, and now my confidence in my scope of baseball knowledge has been severely compromised. Grumble grumble."

You know who ARE dangerous, though? Eppley and Logan. They're so devious, the way they slide right into the game, give up hits, then slither out. Devious.

Joba gave up the runs though. He inherited runners or whatever, but I never get why that matters. Runs scored on your watch are runs scored on your watch. Last I checked this was a team effort, you shouldn't be allowed to be like, "NO! NO! NO FAIR! HE STARTED IT!" Also, Joba got tagged for some runs of his own. Not as good an outing as the prior night. But we should just be thankful he hasn't completely reached Farnsworth or Sturtze silos yet. Knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood.

Saltwhatver homers to bring the game to 5-4, so I guess he got dangerous sometime in the last 2 months. I'm imagining him on Maury Povich, one of the episodes when the rebellious 8 year olds who are somehow getting knocked up while running meth lab in their sandbox, get treated to a big scary drill sargeant who whips them into shape. Ha. I'm getting a kick out of this image.

R-So comes in to get 4 outs, and remember when Mo got hurt? That was so scary. R-So has done just as well as Mo. Read that sentence again. Yeah. He has been Mo. He has been a stand in for the irreplaceable. I untuck my shirt violently in honor of you, R-So. Well done. Well done.

Oh, so the Yankees won. So did Baltimore. I give up trying to understand that. It's making my head spin. See? THAT. That right there is why I can't date during baseball season. Because baseball is already giving me enough grief and "what did he mean by that" fodder. More so, actually. What a boy means=what he does. What the Orioles are is not equal to how they are doing.

But the fact of the matter is I have a pretty heavy 2 weeks coming up, and there is little room for [additional] anxiety. So I'm going to try to forget about the Orioles and concentrate on running our own race. (Yeah, that'll last about 23 minutes. If I didn't have something to worry about, I'd worry about that.)

TO SUM UP, I am thrilled they won, and I hope they do it again tonight. You know what, I knew they were going to win because I saw someone with a red lighter outside today, and he couldnt get it to work so he had to throw it out. And he borrowed a lighter from someone else, and that lighter was blue. Boom.