"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

I'm sorry, but they are. Trying to predict what the outcome of a Yankee game will be reminds me of Tom Cruise babysitting Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. Just when he thinks he's got him figured out, or when he thinks he's making progress, he'll do something that completely throws him for a loop.

Similarly, just when you think you've identified the problems areas and upsides of the team dynamic, Phil Hughes becomes a stud at the blackjack table, aka pitches a shutout. It'simpossible to makes heads or tails of what their deal is.

I think this is pretty clearly supported by the fact this was the FIRST TIME SINCE AUGUST 13, that they won two games in a row. If my dad knew this he'd be sputtering about how this is statistically impossible. He uses "statistically impossible" almost as liberally as my college buddies use "y'all." Or maybe a more apt analogy would be that he uses "statistically impossible" in the same way pretty much every sports alarmist ever uses "must-win situation."

Obviously it's not impossible since the Yankees did it. To be clear.

In terms of the game, Hughes was dazzling. I don't think I've seen him have that much control over his pitches all season. I watched the game at Dorrian's and it was maybe the first time I've been there in a month. What a treat!

I, however, seemed to be the only person who was flapping her arms and quacking after Cody Ross's single. I felt like Sterling, who no doubt was bubbling over about how "PHIL HUGHES HAS BEEN PERFECT THROUGH 4, FANS! Oh, nevermind. A walk by Posednik. NO HITTER THROUGH 4! Wait. Cody Ross reaches on a single. 1-HITTER!"

The first run of the game came from an Andruw Jones sac fly, scoring Arod. See?? What have I been saying? This.

Anyways, whatever, a run's a run. It's good we can find ways to score at all, considering the severe allergy to RISP. Not to be a spoilsport, but the Yankees were 1-9 with RISP.

I don't really understand what seems to be the problem. Why is Nick Swisher ice cold right now? After spending pretty much 90% of the season being a baller?

Naturally, Eduardo Nunez played. Of course. Where the hell did he come from?? Z-Pack #3 is back! What about the other 2* now?

*Ibanez and Chavez.

I want them all playing at the same time. So it'll be like a Zelda Triforce!

Then there's Jeter, who CLEARLY was either still hurting from that trip at 1st, or just wanted us to know it hurt, anyway. I sort of get that, if the latter is the case.

Best video game ever. Ever.

You know when you have some kind of affliction or ailment or whatever, and it hurts beyond the telling of it but there's nothing visibly actually wrong with you? You almost feel cheated. Like whenever I get uveitis, it's the worst pain I've ever felt every time. But there doesn't APPEAR to be anything wrong with me, so I just look like a vampire whenever I start screaming at bright lights. Or a hungover person, I guess.

Anyways, the point is, maybe Jeter's ankle hurt him a lot, despite there being nothing wrong with him, so he was limping to the plate to underscore this. He IS good at theatrics.

All of this is immaterial since Jeter's 0-for-4-ness didn't end up needing his sore ankle justification.

Because his 1-for-5 part of the game was what put the Yankees at 2-0.

It turned out not to be necessary, since Blogan, D-Rob, and R-So avoided the Red Socks relegating the Yankees to 2nd place.

(Yeah the f'n O's won again. Swept Tampa. Nothing makes sense anymore.)

Here's some more evidence of the fact baseball as I know it is completely upside down. Phil Hughes had this to say after the game:

"The atmosphere was a little dull in here for the first time in a long time, just being the way the Red Sox season has gone this year. So, if anything, it felt like a normal game."

Nothing says adulthood "in our approach" quite like a pair of Groucho Marx glasses.