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I'm sorry, but they are. Trying to predict what the outcome of a Yankee game will be reminds me of Tom Cruise babysitting Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. Just when he thinks he's got him figured out, or when he thinks he's making progress, he'll do something that completely throws him for a loop.

Similarly, just when you think you've identified the problems areas and upsides of the team dynamic, Phil Hughes becomes a stud at the blackjack table, aka pitches a shutout. It'simpossible to makes heads or tails of what their deal is.

I think this is pretty clearly supported by the fact this was the FIRST TIME SINCE AUGUST 13, that they won two games in a row. If my dad knew this he'd be sputtering about how this is statistically impossible. He uses "statistically impossible" almost as liberally as my college buddies use "y'all." Or maybe a more apt analogy would be that he uses "statistically impossible" in the same way pretty much every sports alarmist ever uses "must-win situation."

Obviously it's not impossible since the Yankees did it. To be clear.

In terms of the game, Hughes was dazzling. I don't think I've seen him have that much control over his pitches all season. I watched the game at Dorrian's and it was maybe the first time I've been there in a month. What a treat!

I, however, seemed to be the only person who was flapping her arms and quacking after Cody Ross's single. I felt like Sterling, who no doubt was bubbling over about how "PHIL HUGHES HAS BEEN PERFECT THROUGH 4, FANS! Oh, nevermind. A walk by Posednik. NO HITTER THROUGH 4! Wait. Cody Ross reaches on a single. 1-HITTER!"

The first run of the game came from an Andruw Jones sac fly, scoring Arod. See?? What have I been saying? This.

Anyways, whatever, a run's a run. It's good we can find ways to score at all, considering the severe allergy to RISP. Not to be a spoilsport, but the Yankees were 1-9 with RISP.

I don't really understand what seems to be the problem. Why is Nick Swisher ice cold right now? After spending pretty much 90% of the season being a baller?

Naturally, Eduardo Nunez played. Of course. Where the hell did he come from?? Z-Pack #3 is back! What about the other 2* now?

*Ibanez and Chavez.

I want them all playing at the same time. So it'll be like a Zelda Triforce!

Then there's Jeter, who CLEARLY was either still hurting from that trip at 1st, or just wanted us to know it hurt, anyway. I sort of get that, if the latter is the case.
Best video game ever. Ever.

You know when you have some kind of affliction or ailment or whatever, and it hurts beyond the telling of it but there's nothing visibly actually wrong with you? You almost feel cheated. Like whenever I get uveitis, it's the worst pain I've ever felt every time. But there doesn't APPEAR to be anything wrong with me, so I just look like a vampire whenever I start screaming at bright lights. Or a hungover person, I guess.

Anyways, the point is, maybe Jeter's ankle hurt him a lot, despite there being nothing wrong with him, so he was limping to the plate to underscore this. He IS good at theatrics.

All of this is immaterial since Jeter's 0-for-4-ness didn't end up needing his sore ankle justification.

Because his 1-for-5 part of the game was what put the Yankees at 2-0.

It turned out not to be necessary, since Blogan, D-Rob, and R-So avoided the Red Socks relegating the Yankees to 2nd place.

(Yeah the f'n O's won again. Swept Tampa. Nothing makes sense anymore.)

Here's some more evidence of the fact baseball as I know it is completely upside down. Phil Hughes had this to say after the game:

"The atmosphere was a little dull in here for the first time in a long time, just being the way the Red Sox season has gone this year. So, if anything, it felt like a normal game."

HAHAHAHAHA. "I found the class to be rather...elementary."

It felt like a normal game? Really, Hughes? You didn't give up a homerun. The Yankees didn't let their opponents score any answer runs to their cost-of-entry 2-0 lead. That felt like a normal game?

Or then there's Bobby V's assessment of the loss: "We were immature in our approach at times."

Why is everyone talking like they're interviewing at the The New Yorker?

How mature is your approach, generally speaking, Bobby? I'm dying to know what kind of rubric you're applying for this maturity standard. This is why I love baseball, because it's a world when an inability to lay off high fastballs is considered immature...but throwing temper tantrums on a routine basis over not-so-questionable calls, is a mark of maturity?

Nothing says adulthood "in our approach" quite like a pair of
Groucho Marx glasses.
So Felix "I should be a 5-star chef or a romantic poet" Doubront didn't own the Yanks as he has in the past. I don't think he realizes this yet, though, since he had a very AJ Burnett-esque reaction to the game, where he was basically like, "That was fun! I think I did pretty great, really loving the team and the way everything's going. It felt good, it felt good."

The Socks pitchers for the night:


Just a bunch of letters, really. Barring the last name, they could be layover cities during a cross continental flight for all I know. Who is this team?
Other things of note in the actual game: Jeter tied Mays on the hits list. He's excited about it, which I love. I hate when players try to downplay their accomplishments. Jeter all season has been like, "HOW COOL IS THIS? I'M AMAZING! RIGHT?" Keep it up, Jeter. I'm loving this I-don't-need-no-stinking-PR-script" mindset.
Speaking of PR shit, I don't think Sneach is allowed to have a translator anymore if he's going to go public with his ability to speak English. In the pre-game coverage, the cameras showed Joba and Sneach engaged in a lively dialogue.

Unless Joba speaks fluent Japanese--which I have my doubts about--then Sneachiro speaks perfect English. Or enough English to converse with Joba. Which actually probably isn't that advanced, but semantics.
Why should Sneach be allowed to have a translator and no one else?

Someone should give him a taste of his own medicine, and pull a Mouth (pause?):

There you go. The Yankees win. Sneach speaks English. Hughes and Bobby V found the game to be rather shallow and pedantic. Arod and ZPack3 had most of the hits. Jeter and Jones and the RBIs, giving them a PERFECT opportunity to sing Wind Beneath My Wings to Arod and ZPack3. If they were looking for one, that is. Yankees had 5 hits on 162 pitches. Socks 6 hits on 115. 8 Ks on each side. 2 errors for the Socks (hehe).

And the Os' ever-so-brief foray into 1st place was over as soon as it began. Like me trying to wear my hat into a downtown bar.

"Wahoo! I'm in!"

"Miss, miss...excuse me..miss? You can't wear that in here. You're gonna have to take it off."


Time for the Devil Rays! Next few weeks should be a cake walk.

(Walking in cake is never easy, or pleasant. Adding that to my list of phrases that need revisiting. Cake walk=Pavement walk. Easiest surface on which to perambulate. Done.)

1 Comment:

  1. Simon Rowell said...
    "they could be layover cities during a cross continental flight for all I know" - classic!
    You are way too talented to be working with Glenn...

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