"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

LOSS.

The Baltimore Orioles rallied in the 9th the beat the New York Yankees.

This collection of words should only be seen in one place and one place only.

Tanaka was aces tonight, though, despite giving up a quick 3 runs right from the get go (which means we're at 100% with an n of 2, in the developing hypothesis that he's using the ol' Teixeira "Slow Start is Really a Pretty Money Move, Trust Me" playbook.)

He starts off a liitttttle questionable, and then he looks like a million bucks. (Which is technically an insult, I guess, to him. So, let me revise my statement to he starts out looking like a million bucks and then settles down and starts dealing.)

10 Ks from the Japanese guy is impressive. The O's starter is the type of pitcher that most teams salivate over. And when I say "salivate over," I mean that in terms of batting against him. Like cartoon dogs floating in the air hooked to the smell of bacon. Gonzalez is hittable but not toooo hittable to make your overswing. He's really what me and my college housemates would term a NGB. "Nice guy/girl, but...." Eh.

That said, the Yankees aren't most other teams. In fact, they're not ANY of the other teams, as it were. They're the Yankees, so they made this pitcher look like freaking Bob Gibson or something. Except they were hitting him, but not. I don't know how the numbers in this game make sense.

Gonzalez was staked to a 3-0 lead (oh GOOOOOOD for you), and then the Yankees did that thing were they're like "You know what? Let's go ahead of just take a stab at throwing the whole 'run manufacturing' thing to the wind."

The Yankee bats sometimes like to spead their money on scratch off tickets instead of sensible toiletries for the home. That is an analogy and, as far as I know, not something the Yankees actually do.

Kelly Johnson connects for a ding, which brought his average up to a number that I think more closely reflects how I've perceived it to be. A-So drove in a run, which is befuddling but appreciated. Beltran was a stud and went like 2304 for 2304 or something. I'm not sure, but I felt like he was up every other batter, and he was "connecting on all cylinders" as the kids like to say.

Robinson Sheffield forgot to connect on the cylinders, though, and in fairness, I do believe that that particular topic is an upper level cource and hence may require a special trip.

You are still a nice peanut of a stud, Yangervis. So much so that I've waved off my ridiculously intelligent and informed baseball guru Ollie, when he told me that Yangervis Solarte is NOT > Tyler Ross. Hey all things being equal, I'm gravitating towards the weird name. Any additional info on the origin of this name and the correct pronunciation would be appreciated.

You know who isn't being relevant? Brian Roberts.

And you know who hasn't been in the line-up again? Sneach. WTF? This is like when my sis and I were in the same fantasy league, and the commissioner of the league kept offering one BS trade after another for Brandon Phillips, and after I'd turn them down, he'd be all, "What! No, seriously, Amy Smart has like a lot of keeper league value."

Anyways, so my sister offers me something like Jeter and Aramis Ramirez (this was 2008), so I give her Phillips, and she promptly benches him. SOLELY to piss of the commish. He predictably goes ape shit, and she responds by saying: "What. I think he's gotten a big head from all the attention, and I think he needs to spend a few weeks on the bench thinking about how he sees himself as a part of this franchise."

The point being (aside from the fact that this is why chicks shouldn't play fantasy) is that perhaps Girardi is doing something similar to Sneach, BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULDNT YOU PUT THE LITTLE LOONY TUNE ELF IN???!!

Sigh.

Anyways, I don't want to belabor the whole Shawn Kelley screwing us out of our first walk-off chance and marching us into a disappointing game loss as well as a series loss as we head into the Boston series. I do no want to belabor this point because it's 9 games into the season, and I'm guessing that with D-Rob injured, there will be quite a few opporunities to wax cranky about life post-Mo.

Also, speaking of melodramatic: what's worse/worst? The fans running onto the field. The ridiculous amount of attention it got when I thought that was exactly what the game hopes to avoid. Or the disproportionate reaction from Adam "If I can't play like Cobb, maybe my Tom Ripley-ing of him will do the trick" Jones.

Red Sock time. Which means: