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You know who I miss? Gary Sheffield.

I say that for no real reason beyond the fact I've determined that there is a player on the Yankees whose swing looks like the love child of Cano and Sheffield. Also, what AJ Burnett did for our rotation, Sheffield did for our lineup.

A complete lunatic who played like he was a stock character in a Kevin Costner-esque baseball movie.

Like how Brian Roberts looks, as my coworker pointed out, "like the guy who bats in a baseball movie but doesn't play a significant role."
B-Rob and "Sam Tuttle" from "For Love of the Game"
That said, Roberts was almost perfect today, 3-for-4, but this wasn't a significant role, since the rest of the team demonstrated an unwavering aversion to driving in runs.

Well, allergy season and all, who can blame them for having excrutiating flareups. Pollen, grass, ragweed, homeplate... they're all in the same rhinitis silo, yeah?

The Yanks lose again, and this one wasn't as shake-off-able as yesterday's, mostly because it wasn't a pitching problem.

Well, Kuroda's "scouting report" was predictably nonsensical, as it purported "Houston has a problem." This was soon followed by a bomb 2 pitches into the game. Houston's only problem tonight was filling the stands.

So, last night Fatty had 2 bad innings and the rest of the game was aight. Game 2 was a torturous reel of one batter after another dropping hydrochloric acid on scoring opportunities. It's easy to lambast one pitcher, one outing. It's harder to lambast a batting order.

Oh, btw, it's game 2 of the season. This is all totally warranted criticism. Nope.

But, giddy up, here I go anyway.

See, if Jacoby wasn't of Red Blood, I wouldn't give his stepping up to the plate and coming up empty-ness a second thought. But there's a bigger burden of proof involved here (Cheers, Law and Order reference).

I can't even think of a quasi-obnoxous nickname for him, because his parents already threw a gratuitous Y at the end of a perfectly good name, so how much more can I really do to add value?

Speaking of names: Yangervis Solarte. He comes up to bat, and seriously at first I didn't realize that the PH designation at the end of his name, was a designation. I thought it was just another couple of letters involved in his name that no one was sure with which to do.

Turns out he was the pinch hitter, and the pinch hitter, at that, who reminded me of Robinson Sheffield.

He didn't play like one, though.He played like a collection of scrabble tiles, who wore an intimidating gold chain around his neck when everyone knows that if you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention to the Phiten necklaces that allow you to throw baseballs through brick walls.

Oh Yangervis Solarte(ph)! You have much to learn.

Other game notes:

Tex made an error, and I'm gonna go ahead and say he did it on purpose to make Beltran feel better about his error from yesterday. Cuz that's what Tex does. Makes players more comfortable. (Pause.) For the record, I was referring to when he joined the team and Alex Rodriguez was happy to have an old pal there.

As I said yesterday, so begins the season of delays- of-game every time Jeter is up at bat. Today was weird. Didn't they play the Astros yesterday? Why was today a de facto Jeter Appreciation Day?

I mean, an offering of Jeter Cowboy Boots is obviously nothing to sneeze at. But if we're sneezing at unnecessary commemorative rituals, then I'd sneeze.
Jeter presents.
For Christ's sake, the bullpen even had to get up for his at-bat. When are they going to sleep??

Things Minute Maid Park did NOT get up for (mercifully): 2 outs and 2 strikes. You know how I feel about this. Ron Guidry. Yankees.


Every other team who tries to embrace it belongs alongside the inventer of call-waitng, lime-flavored Tostitos, and capri pants. Yesterday the Houston fans were alllll about this "ritual." Today, not so much.

That said, they were all about the Wave. If I'm a Mets fan, I'm pissed. Not because of the Wave in Houston. Just because I'm a Mets fan.

I just learned that Pettite was the 1st and only MLB-er to have ZERO losing seasons. Don't judge me for just learning this since probably most everyone knows this, but wow. Kudos.


Also along the lines of Japanese stuff, when Kuroda pitched, the ads behind homeplate changed from StubHub to something in Japanese. Topical.

Numbers-wise: Cosart is apparently a stud, and Kevin Long was excessively happy when he left the game, and then the Yankee bats just took a page from Beltran's book and stood with the lumber glued to their shoulders for the first pitch.Which I respect.

Except the respect wanes when the subsequent pitches seen result in no base runners. A-So is waiting for his first hit, and I feel like I'm the Coach in Major League 2 who's yelling at Willy Mays Hays to "PUT THE BALL ON THE GROUND."

The entire Yankees line-up officially can double as the opposite side of the school gym during my 8th grade dance. What they lack in puberty, they make up for in runners LOB (8).

So, the Astros take the series, and just to remind everyone, they're not the NL. Still confusing.

My boy Nova starts tomorrow, which means our $23948234 bajillion starter is our 4th-man, which is exactly why everyone hates the Yankees (among other reasons, I suppose..) They take the best player from wherever they feel like it...and then bat him 8th. Or pitch him 4th. Unapologetically. Yet rationally. I love them.

Tomorrow's a new day. But my prediction remains the same as it did yesterday: I got a good feeling about this team.

Tertio est lepore.


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