"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

My sister was just in my office, and we were both frantically rambling about bananas today has been at work. I've also been frantically rambling about how "I am very irritable today for some reason. Not when I interact with other people. I'm fine then. But when left to my own devices, I'm about to slam my computer against the wall if my bullets on powerpoint won't align."

And I realized why!

On Sunday, on my way to Church, I took off my Yankee bracelet because it irritates my mom to no end (with reason, I suppose, since it's beyond ratty), and now I'm attributing this to my chemical imbalance.

Whatever, I could just be cranky about the loss last night.

"Yeah, I was gonna try to watch the game with Strange last night after softball, but he had work to do. Probably better I didn't, I guess."

My sister responds: "Yeah, well AJ's happy though."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, in the postgame, when everyone else is like, 'you want a win, you don't get it, so you're disappointed,' he's like, 'WELL I WAS GREAT!""

Ha. Oh AJ.

So today, when dealing with the loss of my Yankee bracelet (if only temporarily), I'm going to channel go old psychopath AJ, and recall his words of optimism in the face of defeat.

“I’m making a step, I’m not going to rear back and try and throw as hard as I can anymore,” Burnett said. “I’m going to try and make a pitch — you know, will myself through it — and that’s what I do.”

That's what I do. Will myself through it. Weirdo.

So last night, someone named Phillip Humber, who has as many teams to his career as I have Yankee hats on my door, held the Yanks to 1 hit last night. Good for him. He's the kind of story my dad likes, sort of, since he turned down the Yanks originally in 2001 to go back to school.

The Chisox won for only the 2nd time in 12 games, which means the Yanks are kind of like becoming what the Pirates were a few years ago: a soup kitchen. I remember in 2008 or 09, Pittsburgh was basically just handing out their best players to whomever was interested. And now, the Yanks are basically doing the same thing with wins.

It's very charitable of them. Well, it would be, anyway, if they were doing it on purpose and not just inexplicably providing cellar-dwellers with Ws (cough...Red Sux...cough).

The Yanks were hitless until the 7th inning, so you can imagine how happy we all were watching this transpire. The thing is, it was only a 1-0 game at that point, so the fact we were hitless wasn't reallllly upsetting me too much, you know? If it was 8-0, then fine, that means the big story of the game is the no-hitter. A 1-0 game just means that it's a nice little pitching duel that could go either way.

Unfortunately it went the way of the bad guys.

ARod, of course, put the tick of relief on the board for us, which brought on a cascade of cheers that I'm sure made him smile, even though it was just for a hit.

All in all, it was a pretty quiet game, unless you're Ozzie Guillen and Phillip Humber.

"Phil's got great stuff and he can do it, "Pierzynski said. "He's just got to throw strikes and believe in himself."

Thanks, Crazy AJ #2. (How does one generally distinguish between Burnett and Pierasdkasd [sic]?) Catcher AJ and Pitcher AJ is just kind of meh.

Maybe MissingAJ?

(Yeah, I'm mildly obsessed with the Onion's own aggressive obsession with AJ.)

So, yeah, moving on. The Southsiders scored again in the 9th, Konerko drives in an "insurance run" (God, I hate that term), and the Yanks lose 2-0.

Grandy, Arod, and Chavez are the only hits for the Yanks (2/3 of those folks are on team Las Crisis Nerviosas, but as usual, I'd prefer a Yankee win over a LCN one.)

Humber only walked 2 and hit Swish with a pitch. Really nice work from him. Will there be a repeat performance in his future? He looked pretty good to me. I suppose that, yes, the Yanks historically are useless against a pitcher they've never seen before, but I don't know.

(I know I've said this before, but do the Yanks invest any of there BULTIBILLION dollar budget (see what I did there, payroll obsessors?) to a video analyst? Whatever happened to Charles Worskfkjwe whatever his last name is? Wonsowicz. That's it.)

So there's that. AJ gives up 3 hits, 2 BBs (?? wow), 1 run, and whiffs 2. Soriano is less than impressive, gives up another run, but does it matter? As my buddy Russo wisely admonishes whenever I start getting all alarmist, "Unless the Yankees score a run, we're not winning this one anyway."

True story.

I'll leave you all with this: my mom (who I've mentioned in my last post has been having some spamming issues) sends me an email in the middle of the night, which was the last straw, and I begged her this morning to get rid of her AOL account because I can't take the spamming anymore.

Then she tells me it's not spam, that she meant to email me this craigslist post to me:

Female Roommate Wanted - Your own bedroom in 2 1/2 Bedroom apartment
Date: 2011-04-25, 8:46PM

Furnished bedroom available in spacious 2 1/2 bedroom apartment. Doorman, high floor, city and sunset views, sunny, etc. Washer, dryer and dishwasher in the apartment. The apartment has good heat, is quiet for sleeping, has good air-conditioning, high speed internet and a spare computer for the roommate's use. It's an elevator building and there is a health club in the building. The room is about 200 sq. ft., has a double bed, dresser, desk, walk in closet and a window with a nice view. I'm looking for a female roommate who will occasionally not wear clothes when I ask in exchange for free rent. No sex whatsoever required. Otherwise the rent is $780/month, everything included.


Bleecker St. at Broadway (google map) (yahoo map)

A note of warning would have been appreciated. My heart stopped when I got to the bottom of the post and for a split second I thought my mom was offering this up to me as a suggestion, rather than a marvel at the degree of sleaze in some people in this city.

(Of course, I then received the expository follow-up email from my mom: "is this the most unbelievable thing in the world. There are such sickos out there!!!")

To sum up, the moral of the story is, um..?..

Baseball's a funny game, Suzyn.