"It's great to be young and a Yankee."

It was a stupid game.The Yankees lost. I got into arguments with Red Socks fans. Lester was effective. The Yankees were not.

A-Gonz hit a 2-run blast off Phelps in the 1st, and we're already in the hole 2-0. But I didn't think it would stay like that, I figured they'd eventually throw Lester off the TriBoro bridge.

But it never happened.

Ciriaco should be illegal. He shouldn't be allowed to play against the Yankees because that little pip squeak was 4 for 4 against us, which means that his average against the Yankees is roughly 1.230 or something. Actually it's a little over .500, which is basically the same thing.

The only "interesting" part of the game really was the fact there were these 2 names on Boston I have NEVER heard of before, they weren't even really Boston-y names. They were more like KC names. I don't know why, exactly, but don't Craig Breslow and Ryan Lavarnway sound very Luke Hochvar and Everett Teaford-y? They do.

So these two strange names become the first all-Yale battery ever, or ever since the 1880's. Which cracks me up, because I'm imagining the battery from 1883 up doing afterlife stuff and thinking, "Well, I'll be damned. There goes our 1 claim to fame. WAIT. No, I was just kidding about being damned!!!"

But you know what REALLY cracks me up? Guess what Breslow was doing at Yale. He was majoring in molecular biophysics and biochemistry.

Seriously.

And now he's a reliever for a joke of a team.

If you're THAT smart, that you got into Yale, and not only did you get into Yale, but you're majoring in 2 of the most challenging subjects known to academia, how in God's name do you parlay that into a professional baseball career? And why? I can't decided whether his parents are really proud or disappointed.

Maybe it's like the equivalent of a really smart girl who marries a rich investment banker before she even graduates college. She's well off and set, but see ya potential!

Lavarnway was a philosophy major. I'm sure those 2 ran in the same circles. Nope.

You think maybe Boston purposefully brought that two geniuses on the team, in an effort to do damage control on their beer-and-friend-chicken image? It's like, "SEEEE??? We're the SMART team now. We do crossword puzzles in the dugout, like Mike Mussina. But we also do things like Fermat's Last Theorem. And logs. And matrices."

(And then Lavarnway pipes in with, "And Walden! Don't forget Walden pond and Kierkergard and Oliver Wendell Holmes!")

Ahh, OWH. We had to memerize a poem of his when I was in a sorority. Yeah, sororities are weird. AOT.

Anyways, no more math talk, even just writing about it is making my head spin.

The only run the Yanks could muster up was a bomb from Granderson. All in all, they were 0 for 9 with RISP.Yikes.

I don't know if it really matters how the Socks scored the other 2 runs, seeing as the Yanks only scored 1, and you're not gonna win a lot of games with only 1 run. According to Baseball Reference, there have been 364,258 games played since 1901. (That number seems low, maybe I didn't do it right.)

Then I looked up all the 1-0 games from 1901 to 2012. I'm not kidding. It took a while. And then I added them all up, and got 4,308.

Which would mean that in baseball history, only 1.2% of games were won when the team scored only 1 run.

If I got that right, I'm so so so proud of myself. Look at all that math!

Anyways, I don't know why I just tortured myself like that.

Probably because there isn't a whole lot else to say about the game, since the Yanks only scored 1 run. I got into an argument with some Red Sock fan at the Frying Pan, who said "Gay-Roid" sucks, and you can "know everything you need to know about how much he sucks by looking at pictures of him slapping the ball out of 1B's hand."

To that, I shoved my phone in his face and said, "WHAT CAN YOU TELL FROM LOOKING AT THIS PICTURE THEN?"

I knew bookmarking that gif would come in handy someday.